Saturday, March 31, 2007

I'll get to the bottom of this

Shocked and appalled doesn’t adequately describe my reaction when I found this taped on the ridiculously expensive and ornate beveled-edged mirror in the Executive Washroom of the Down and Distant World Headquarters.

I’m not exactly sure who the culprit is, but I’ve got my suspicions. I started thinking it was PorkChop but the penmanship is too, how do I say it, “non-West Virgina”. Hairy would be a likely suspect, because he’s always been jealous of my Basketball Pickery Skills, but I think he’s been out of town. Poon is still reeling from Duke’s early exit from the tournament and subsequent dropping of their B-ball program instead instituting a Co-ed taint-tickling squad. So it must have been that bitch Midge from Accounting. She’s never been right since I spurned her advances at last year’s Christmas party. Anyway, it seems like a good time to talk about my picks for the final four from last week.

I really didn’t do too badly. I correctly picked the outcome of 6 of the 8 games in the Sweet 16 and hit .750 in the great wonderful elite 8. The OSU/Tennessee game (I picked a blow out by tOSU) was a nail biter to the Nth degree with an amazing outcome. Ohio State down by 20 near half came back to win by one.

Here’s what I have for the Final Four:

I thought that Ohio State would lose to Georgetown all the way up to last night. Now I think differently. I love that OSU is a 1 point dog, even though they are a higher seed than G’Town. A really long season ending winning streak sullied by a 3rd number 1 seeding. Just because they had some close games lately makes them look vunerable. Still I think this is no reason for them to be dissed. I’m taking my Buckeyes to win this whole f-ing thing.

Monkey faced ass-baron Joekim Noah, will unfortunately beat UCLA so that Ohio State can avenge the Disaster in the Desert.

I’ll check in on Monday to gloat and/or amend my picks as necessary.

PK out.

Friday, March 30, 2007

A Final Four rub and tug with happy ending.

Editor's Note: Buckeye Savant (pictured below) is very excited about the Final Four. He waxes poetic herewith. At the time of posting he is on his way from Columbus to ATL, currently in KY. (giggle)


Ever since I was a kid watching Bobby Knight's Hurryin' Hoosiers beat Michigan for the 1976 NCAA Championship, I have been hooked on The Final Four. To me, The Final Four ranks alongside The Rose Bowl, The Super Bowl and The Masters as one of the greatest annual sporting events in our country. These are not best-out-of-seven events like championships in the NHL, MLB, and NBA, but rather contests that will be decided by great play on that given day. There is no room for error and no mistake goes unpunished (or unnoticed). This is no holds barred bare-knuckle athletic competition at it's finest. In addition, these are events that an entire nation watches - no matter who is playing…Cinderella or King Kong. This one looks like a brawl in the banana patch…Cinderella missed the ball in '07.

On Saturday night at 6:07 EST, one of my childhood dreams will come true; experiencing a Final Four in-person. The fact that my alma mater, The Ohio State University, is a participant makes it even more special, but, regardless, it's going to be a fantastic thrill for me. I am looking forward to the intense emotions, terrific pageantry, skillful displays of athleticism, and great coaching that The Final Four always delivers. The goal is simple: just win two games.

This is the stage where Villanova upset mighty Georgetown in '85…and Chris Webber called a timeout he didn't have in '93…and Keith Smart hit a 15-foot jump shot to beat Syracuse in '87…and Texas Western beat Adolph Rupp's Wildcats in '66. It's also a stage that hosted the rise of the UCLA Dynasty…the appearance of long-shot George Mason in '06…the craziness of Jimmy V. running around the court looking for someone to hug in '83…it's all there - the rich history of collegiate basketball - just waiting (like me) for a new chapter to be written.

One thing that sets The Final Four apart from the other great events is the fact that there is no shame…no bad outcomes. Are the losses painful? You bet. But seldom has the word "choked" been applied to a player or team in the Final Four. The favorite usually doesn't win this thing - they are usually beaten and bloodied, but always unbowed. I can see Coach K. consoling Trajan Langdon at the end of Dukes loss to UCONN in '99…tears and pain a plenty, but pride intact.

Enjoy the spectacle of The Final Four where, like in dreams, all things are possible.

Having said that, I've got to believe...Let's Go Bucks!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

We've only just begun.......

What? Well I missed you too, but sometimes we don't know what we have until it's gone. I know it's been a while and it's nobody's fault. People just need breaks from time to time. Well the past is the past and I promise not to do this again. It's been too long since I have posted on here and I received thousands of emails from loyal D & D followers asking where I was and if I was going to post again. Well, honestly, when you make the shit-tons of money that we make running this mofo, you just have to take a break and spend some of it. So for the past few weeks I have been in Mexico boozing it up with prostitutes doing more blow off of more body parts than I care to mention.

While I was gone, I heard that Plano West won the loser's bracket tournament and won themselves a place in the NCAA Championship game. Come to find out, a high school team cannot play in the NCAA tourney so they are just going to play the regular old final four and find out that way. While my picks were a bit off (shut up PK and all you other people that ragged on me for Duke) I still had a pretty solid tournament. And of course by solid I mean that I didn't know that one person could get that many teams wrong. With that said, I now retire from college basketball until next March when again I will be the most knowledgable person about every team in the tournament.

Now I ask you, does this man look like a murderer to you? If you said yes, then you are correct. Well, partially since it was only attempted murder. Ugueth Urbina was sentenced to 14 years in prison for the attempted murder of 5 workers on his family's farm. Being as un-P.C. as I am, I ask this......were the workers Mexican? That would be somewhat comical. I wonder if down there they have white people doing their dirty work for them just to get back at us. Either way you gotta think that he is pretty pissed off about this considering how much other sports athletes got away with. For fuck's sake O.J. killed his wife and didn't get shit.

Well since I still have alcohol in my body and the women's lay-up contest is about to start on ESPNU, I will say goodbye for now. Also, if anyone can tell me why there is a Taco Bueno bag AND a Jack in the Box bag empty laying in my living room I would appreciate it. Here's to booze.


Thursday, March 22, 2007

Uh, Mr. Crockett...Where'd all the Mexicans come from.

On my way to the airport to jet off to San Antonio with the lovely and talented Mrs. PK to look for Pee Wee’s bicycle. And to watch the Buckeyes take the Tennessee College Inbreds to the wood shed. I thought I’d better at least get my picks in for the Sweet 16 and Great Elite 8. I’ll reseed and/or gloat after the weekend and prognosticate all over your ass about the Final Four.

The aforementioned Buckeyes with AARP Spokesperson Greg Oden and the boys will advance to the Final for after a fairly easy win over the Vols and the Aggies after they win an overtime squeaker over the Memphis Whatevers.

The other regions about which I don’t give a tinker's damn:
Kansas over Pitt to advance to the FF
Florida over Oregon and
Georgetown upsets the Tar Heals.

I’m completely bailing on trying to say anything funny about this as I’m literally walking out the door to the airport, and because I’m the one writing and it’s what I want to do. Sue me. I’ll do what I can to report from the Alamo City. No promises. I recommend badgering the Poon, Savant and the boys for some content.

PK out.

A Giant Faceful of Basketball Pickery – Pre 16 update.

As you have read we split up the bracket between the douches our esteemed contributors. This is a breakdown of how each of them did. Worst to first. Or as we like to say in Texas. Poon to Best. I have to take my shots now because I’ll have some one else recap my picks for rest. Which, based on my history with brackets, will not be pretty.

Poon is not being courted by ESPN as a hoops analyst – Shocking that a champion chaser Duke fan picked the Blue Devils to advance to the final four in our little tournament hand job picking fest. Poor poor Poon. He got more wrong than right in his bracket. I’m not being too hard on him though, he was drinking when he filled out his bracket. You’ll get those pricks next year Pooni San. (Poon is convinced that the Dukies will rise from the losers bracket to win the championship of this double elimination tourney. Ummmmm.)

Remaining teams – Zilch.

While driving to the local highway rest stop in search of a glory hole not being used, PorkChop needed to put his car's convertible roof down to make room for his swelled ego. You see, PC picked every game in the first round correctly. Granted, there was nary an upset in the South, he could have had his stepson take a break from nailing Miss Michigan in the face to make picks for him and done as well. But he’s the first round winner. He stumbled in the 2nd round.

Remaining teams – Ohio State & Tennessee.

Hairy Carey was right behind Pork in the first round. His only foible was picking former Buckeye and Olympic Asshole Champion R. M. Knight’s Red Raiders to advance. They didn’t.

Remaining teams – UNC, Vandy and Georgetown

Don’t let the demented far-away stare and the dried drool on his shirt fool you, Buckeye Savant is a clear winner. After missing on a couple in the first round Savant correctly picked every other game he had to. Including the Running Rebs over Wishconsin. Congrats to you Savant – now please stop monkeying with your privates under your desk while the intern isn’t looking.

Remaining teams – Florida, Maryland, Oregon and UNLV

More picking from PK later.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

A Giant Faceful of Basketball Pickery - ep. 4

Dear Dear lovable Down and Distant reader. Holy Shit are you in for a treat. We’ve spared no expense to gather the entire cast of D&D for your basketball benefit. This is no easy task mind you. Because most of these creeps are very busy registering with their local authorities or doing something dirty while reading the JCPenney Catalog. So it is without further adieu that we bring the first installment of the Down and Distant NCAA Basketball Tournament Picking Extravaganza Love Fest. This will be five part deal, with each guy picking one regional, and Hopkins will have the enviable task of detailing the Final Four and Championship. I hope you are a fast reader. Because we are firing these bitches off fast and furious so try to keep up. Now Buckeye Savant with the Midwest.
Joakim Noah is not pretty

Just when you think we are damn near sports-free here at Down and Distant we go and do a full weeks worth of very sexy and sportsy entries about the NAACP Tourney. I get to tackle the Midwest.

First let me say that I freakin hate Florida. The state and the team. Joakim Noah looks like the offspring of the GIECO Caveman and someone even uglier. Also I think Billy Donovan probably wears Wonder Woman Underoos. Having said all that the Gators will go to the Final Four. Again. Shit.

The Silvery Lute Olsen and his Wildcats will take down the Boilermakers. Purdue isn't the same without Gene Keady's hair. Now that was a helmet.

Your annual 12 beating a 5 is in this bracket. And I am man enough to pick it. Old Dominion over Butler. Either way the winner in this match-up will take it in the nuggets in the next game against Maryland.

Hey Notre Dame – Suck it. You are going down against Winthrop. One and done with no love from Three Pointer Jesus.

Number 2 seed Wishconsin rolls past Texas A&M Corpus Christi (Really? Who’d they beat to get in the Dance?) only to receive a Las Vegas cornholing by UNLV. This makes a very interesting Sweet 16 match up with Oregon. Ducks prevail.

So now it is in Hop’s hands to take what we’ve given him and put two teams in the final and pick a winner. Hopefully he can take time away from trying to find new things to do with the vacuum cleaner hose and give us some good picks. Hop?

A Giant Faceful of Basketball Pickery - ep. 3

Dear Dear lovable Down and Distant reader. Holy Shit are you in for a treat. We’ve spared no expense to gather the entire cast of D&D for your basketball benefit. This is no easy task mind you. Because most of these creeps are very busy registering with their local authorities or doing something dirty while reading the JCPenney Catalog. So it is without further adieu that we bring the first installment of the Down and Distant NCAA Basketball Tournament Picking Extravaganza Love Fest. This will be five part deal, with each guy picking one regional, and Hopkins will have the enviable task of detailing the Final Four and Championship. I hope you are a fast reader. Because we are firing these bitches off fast and furious so try to keep up. Next.....PorkChop with the South.

The South region, where the Buckeyes are the No. 1 seed but everyone thinks Texas A&M will advance. Fuck that.

Ohio State opens with Central Conn., which has no chance. It hits threes all the time because it can’t go inside against its shitty league opponents. Greg Oden will teabag the entire Blue Devil team. In the first round, the water will be neither cold nor deep.

No. 8 Brigham Young takes on No. 9 Xavier in the next match, and as everyone knows, Thad Matta lied to Xavier Fan three years ago while he was head coach there and said he wasn’t a candidate for the OSU job. A week and a half later, he was the Buckeyes head coach. So Xavier will run through those BYU Churchies like a mule through cornstalks for the chance to get to the Buckeyes in the second round. Did you see that scene in Borat when he was naked wrestling with his fat manager? And the fat guy gets on Borat’s face and spreads his considerable cheeks apart to expose his unbelievably foul and porcine cock, balls, prostate and anus? Then he yelled, “Eat my ass!” a bunch of times. That’s what Ohio State will do to Xavier.

There will be no 12 beating a 5 when Tennessee takes on Long Beach State in the first round. Tennessee’s guard Chris Lofton will eat these surfboarding fruits alive, sending them back wishing Tarkanian was still the coach in Long Beach. Tennessee will then face Virginia, which is just good enough to get by Albany by about two points in overtime in the first round. Virginia will then remember its gay Cavaliers mascot and play Tennessee in the second round as if it were a titty pulling contest. Tennessee will face Ohio State in the regional semis, and just like earlier in the year, the Buckeyes will take a shit on Rocky Top. I hope there’s a lot of toilet paper up there.
In the bottom of the bracket, Louisville’s peaking and under the radar and the fellas from Stanford will still be arguing about whether they’re from Stanford or Palo Alto. Tiger Woods will be rooting for his home stumps, so that will make Louisville’s beat down of the Cardinal even more fun to watch. At least on some level, you’ll know that Tiger is just as miserable as anyone else who doesn’t have a zillion dollars and a great looking wife with a twin for a backup. Someone remind me again why he got her pregnant? Lose a wife, gain a mother. It’s a proven fact.

Sam Houston Institute of Technology, I mean Texas A&M, is good enough to fend off the Pennsylvania Quakers in the first round. I mean, they’re the Ivy League champions. Who even knew the Ivy League played basketball.

Ivy League: “Say, Jeeves, get on the floor for the loose ball, eh?”
SHIT: “What the fuck? You Kansas City Faggots ain’t even got any tattoos.”
Ivy League: “Oh dear, it seems we’ve lost in the first round again. Someone bring the sloop around so we can leave Lexington post haste. What do you mean there’s no ocean here?”

Nevada has this Nick Fazekas kid, who’s like the Adam Morrison of this year. He’s good enough by himself to beat Creighton, even though Creighton can certainly make a game of it. If this happens, Fazekas, like Morrision last year, will be the latest dude to cry like a pussy during a basketball game. First Dwayne Wade embarrassed everyone with his show. Then the big kid from Wisconsin cried for an entire half at Ohio State just because he dislocated his elbow. He must have been on his period. Fazekas, don’t do it. Enough tears have been shed.

No one knows about Memphis because they played shitty teams all year. Their best win was over Gonzaga by one point, if that tells you anything. But John Calipari alone is good enough to coach them through the likes of North Texas’s Mean Green. Once, when I was at Marshall, we played the Mean Green in the I-AA semi-finals in the football tournament—yeah, football tournament, bitches. Before the game, they didn’t warm up—they just took turns dunking the football over the crossbar while the rest of the team jammed out to some shitty fucking mid 1980s rap tune on a greasy boom box. Then, Marshall beat holy cat shit out of them. I think a couple of Mean Green Boogers went Richard Jeni after the game. Memphis: A lot. North Texas: Not so much.

Then, Memphis must face Nevada and Fazekis, and that’s where the crying will really begin. This will be Memphis’ denouement, even though they won’t know what that word means.
Texas A&M will lose to Louisville in the second round and Lexington will be flooded with blue Makers Mark.

John Calipari will threaten to kill Rick Pitino in the press conference following the Louisville-Memphis regional because Pitino will find some way to cheat and win. John Cheney will be jacking off with his big bug eyes looking all around the room so that none of his daughters or wife catches him.
Cheney: “Who’s that?”
Daughter: “Oh God, dad, that was a long time ago. I thought we’d all gotten past it.”
Louisville will be spending the nights at home just an hour or so away and Pitino will have them greased like a pig at a county fair. Memphis and its seedy Beale Street never will see them coming and the pig shit will be all over the floor.

All my wife’s relatives are from Louisville, so when Ohio State plays them in the regional finals, I will be fleecing them like disease-ridden sheep. I will then proceed to drink too much and talk about all the sweetest plays over and over again until everyone hates my guts and I puke in the car on the way home.
HT:MgoBlog for the pic.

A Giant Faceful of Basketball Pickery - ep. 2

Dear Dear lovable Down and Distant reader. Holy Shit are you in for a treat. We’ve spared no expense to gather the entire cast of D&D for your basketball benefit. This is no easy task mind you. Because most of these creeps are very busy registering with their local authorities or doing something dirty while reading the JCPenney Catalog. So it is without further adieu that we bring the first installment of the Down and Distant NCAA Basketball Tournament Picking Extravaganza Love Fest. This will be five part deal, with each guy picking one regional, and Hopkins will have the enviable task of detailing the Final Four and Championship. I hope you are a fast reader. Because we are firing these bitches off fast and furious so try to keep up. Next.....Poon with the West.

Kansas and Kentucky are moving on if for no other reason than they are the only two state starting with a “K” and that’s weird. Illinois and S. Illinois are going to move on to declare which school actually exists in Illinois because as we all know, there is nothing there other than the Chicago Bears. (According to the Sex Cannon) Duke and Pitt will meet in the second round with Duke pulling the upset. Yeah I speak real sports from time to time. What of it? The Zagtastics will go against UCLA and beat them. I have no good reason why other than the fact that I love Zaggy-Zaggington because nobody knows that they even exist except for the month of March. I’m pretty sure that the school is like the Loch Ness Monster. People hear of it, but nobody sees it. I’m scared and I’m giving the round to the Zags.

As for the Sweet 16, I have Kansas facing Illinois and Duke facing Gonzaga. Kansas will fall to Illinois in this round. Any team that is cocky enough to put a ginormous mascot in the middle of their court like they do is just begging to get their ass kicked. I also have my Dukies blowing past Gonzaga to get to the Great 8 yet again. This will of course be followed by something other than winning the championship because that’s how coach K rolls. “I don’t need a fucking championship to keep my job. We are motherfucking Duke. It speaks for itself.” Uncalled for by him, but the truth none the less.

Great 8 I have Duke taking on Illinois in what we in Texas like to call a shitbarncornburnerdrunkfest. For you Yankees, that means that Duke will overcome Illinois to proceed to the Final Four. We will see what happens in Atlanta for Duke and see if they can stumble again like they are so used to doing. I saw on SportsCenter Monday that the odds of hitting a perfect bracket are in the range of 9 quadrillion to 1. I ask you this… then have I picked a perfect bracket for the last 3 years and still not won the lottery? I ponder that. Would you like to know the answer? It’s called I run the damn league and my friends drink enough not to know any better.

Poon (licensed bracketologist, gynecologist and offering free mammograms for all qualified buyers)

A Giant Faceful of Basketball Pickery - ep. 1

Dear Dear lovable Down and Distant reader. Holy Shit are you in for a treat. We’ve spared no expense to gather the entire cast of D&D for your basketball benefit. This is no easy task mind you. Because most of these creeps are very busy registering with their local authorities or doing something dirty while reading the JCPenney Catalog. So it is without further adieu that we bring the first installment of the Down and Distant NCAA Basketball Tournament Picking Extravaganza Love Fest. This will be five part deal, with each guy picking one regional, and Hopkins will have the enviable task of detailing the Final Four and Championship. First up…..Hairy Carrey

Hairy Carrey wanted to put up a nice picture of Jen's naked boobies, but stupid
lawyers are making sexy bloggers like me take that picture down.
So here's a safe one. Nudity Lawyers blow.

Welcome to the wide-open East Region, kiddies, where Roy "Even My Sphincter is Sky Blue" Williams will bring his Tar Squeals as the number one seed. First up for the young Heels (How young are they? Their uniforms have milk stains from pre-game momma snacks.) are the Eastern Kentucky Colonels of the Ohio Valley Conference. Colonels? We don't need no stinkin' colonels. Heels in a laugher. And by the way, how about the Tar Heels plating the first round in Winston-Salem. What a crock of shit.

Next up is a great 8-9 game featuring Marquette and Tom Crean facing his mentor, Tom Izzo and the Michigan State Spartans. Dominic James--sweet. Drew Neitzel--sweeter. Sparty (queerest mascot in the whole tournament) and the boys nip the Golden Eagles in a wild one. Bet the over, pussies.

Southern Cal vs. Arkansas. Seen "Deliverance"? The Trojans will make the Razorbacks squeal like a pig in this laugher. Nuff said.

Rounding out the top half of the bracket is Kevin Durant (and Texas) vs. New Mexico State. New Mexico State has changed its mascot to the "Comb Overs" in honor of recently deposed coach Lou Henson. That's the only part the statees will get right as Kevin Durant (and Texas) live up to their 4 seed with a six point win. Durant, incidentally, will drop 40 on the Comb Overs. Las Cruces, home of NMS, is Spanish for "The Crotch". Nice.

On to the bottom half of the bracket where we find Vanderbilt ready to deliver a rabbit punch to the hopes of 11th seeded George Washington. Vandy is the best six seed in the tourney, as they will prove to Washington State in the second round. This is after Washington State polishes off Oral Roberts. Did I say "polish off"? I guess I did. The only "Baby!" Oral Roberts will get in this tourney is a mouth baby when they get back to the locker room.

The General, Robert Montgomery Knight, will have his Red Raiders of Texas Tech primed for a shot at the Salad Tossers from Boston College. 10 beats 6. Bobby improves to 46-22 in the tourney. Not too shabby. Unfortunately, his stay will be brief as the Red Raiders will have to meet one of the hottest teams in the country in the second round when they meet the Hoyas of Georgetown. These fuckers are bad. The shoot it up, they play "D", and they take teams out of their game plans. They are goin' deeper than Long Dong Silver at a swap meet.

North Carolina and Kevin Durant meet in the Sweet 16, and Roy's babies live for one more round, when they will be dispatched by Georgetown, who knocked off a valiant Vandy squad (dig that alliteration, muthafuckas). North Carolina goes down like a drunk prom date as Georgetown heads to the Final Four. Word.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Stab Me

As I sit here watching the end of the Mavs/Suns game, I finally realize that I hate Bill Walton. Hate. Seriously. Listening to him ramble on about the game he used to "play" just makes me want to throw up. As a matter of fact, I hate Luke Walton. Mainly just because he looks just like his Cindy Brady talking father Bill. This got me thinking of who I really hate. Here we go...

1. Bill Walton - In this list of course is anyone with any relation to him. i.e. - Luke Walton, Bill Walsh, Steve Walsh, Steve Burelien, Steve Madden, John Madden, John Rocker, The inventory of the Rocking Chair, "The Chair" by George Straight, Jeff George, Geogre Michaels (and his sports machine), Michael Jackson (the Browns receiver, not the singer), Jack Johnson, Jack Black, Randy Johnson, Randy Quaid, Dennis Quaid, Dennis Eckersley, Rocky Dennis, Rocky I-IV, Rocky Road, "Country Road" by John Denver, Denver Broncos, Bronco Billy, Billy Williams, Roy Williams, Patrick Roy, Roy Rogers and of course Satan.

2. Shannon Sharpe - Watch CBS on Sunday during football season and see if your eyes and ears bleed as bad as mine did.

3. Benny Hinn - Seriously, you don't have enough money? You really need me to donate? Ok, well this is the last time.

4. The energetic guy from the HSN show selling baseball cards and knives and shit - Don't get me wrong, I love my new kitchen knives and my ps9 Griffey Jr. rookie card, but he really beats me down. And by beats me down, I of course mean he has maxed out all of my credit cards and all I have to show for it are 75 boxes in my living room filled with crap waiting to never be used.

5. Jeff Foxworthy - "If you draw in crayon and stay inside the might be smarter than a fifth grader."


Thursday, March 8, 2007


We here at Down and Distant are more than just alcohol and sports. Due to the popularity of the journey through our great states, we will cover each and every one of them bringing new light to not only the sports side, but the historical side of our nation. And if that sucks then we will make cheap jokes until it fills up the page.

Being a native Texan, I always wondered what the hell that patch of dirt to our north was good for. Well, things haven’t changed. I have seen the casinos (no booze or craps) and watched a single tear fall from an Indian’s face when I threw my cigarette out of my car window. He shot me the finger and yelled “May God rot your penis away with gonorrhea.” Well red face, you are too late for that. The joke’s on you.

Now that I am all grown up and much smarter than the rest of the American population, I know more about our little state to the north. Ready for this? Canada.

Yep. It’s Canada. Let’s see the similarities. Sits on the northern border of one bad ass place to be. Serves absolutely no purpose. Think about it. They think we don’t know. Fucking French.

Well, now that you are smarter, let’s talk about the little things that make this state great decent not as shitty a state. The OU football entity has carried the legacy of this state for years and years. In all honesty, if it weren’t for that, this state might get kicked out of the states all together. I’m not opposed to that. Get us some more land here in Texas since those Mexicans just had to have their own area down there. One person that carried the program on his shoulders is good friend to D & D, Jason White.

Down and Distant – Wow, I’m impressed. You actually have no gag reflex at all. You weren’t lying. Ok, I guess since you held up your end of the bargain, I’ll interview you.

Jason White – I miss people knowing who I am.

D&D – You are speaking into the wrong mic.

Jason – Oh, sorry.

D&D – Did I complain? Just trying to get through this interview as fast as I can.

Jason – Do you remember when I was playing for OU? I was a stud. I got more ass up in that place than you could imagine. Now look at me. Throwing around bj’s just to get in the spotlight. You know, I was playing for the Titans before my knees went out. I used to be so agile and great. Now I run slower than Muhammad Ali in a blizzard.

D&D - Ok, well talk about what makes Oklahoma great to you.

Jason - Well, honestly it's shit. If they wouldn't have paid me as much as they did to play there, I would have went somewhere else. Jesus are you kidding me? Hmmm let me think, I'm a top rated quarterback, I have the choice to go anywhere I want and I'm picking OU for nothing? Come on.

D&D - So you have absolutely nothing good to say about Oklahoma?

Jason - They do make some pretty solid buildings I guess. I mean someone lays a bomb out and half of the building is demolished, but it doesn't collapse. That's pretty impressive.

D&D - I'm leaving this is a waste of my time.

Jason - Please love me.

D&D - Get bent.

Jason - Want me to speak into the mic?

D&D - Ok, but this time turn off your highlight reel while you are doing it and for fuck's sake stop playing Boomer Sooner.

Pooner Sooner

To take a look at the states we have traveled through so far just click the state.

Colorado, Idaho, Oklahoma

Tuesday, March 6, 2007


Today we travel to the great state of Idaho. Let's take a journey through this great state of the north.

Did I miss anything? Good.


Thursday, March 1, 2007

The Inaugural LtCol. Bruce Crandall Honorary “Enormous Solid Steel Balls” Award.

Crandall's Huey at Ia Drang Valley - November 1965

This week President Bush awarded Bruce Crandall (Army LtC Ret) the Congressional Medal of Honor. The video below is a nice recap of the story by a local news station.

Crandall completed 22 flights in a 14-hour period on Nov. 14, 1965, most under intense enemy fire. His actions in the Battle at Ia Drang Valley were depicted in the 2002 movie "We Were Soldiers," adapted from the book "We Were Soldiers Once ... And Young."

So let me get this straight….Snake Crandall flew his Huey into extremely hot LZ X-ray bringing fresh men and supplies and taking out wounded not just once or twice. This iron-testicled one did it TWENTY-TWO times. He actually had to change aircraft twice as they were too jacked up from an unyielding hail of enemy fire.

For his bravery and selflessness Crandall was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor. (CMH) The highest honor a military man can receive. So revered that the highest ranking officer in the military will salute the Medal even it is occupying the chest of a lowly Private.

So it is for this man we name our Down and Distant Bruce “Snake” Crandall Honorary “Enormous Solid Steel Balls” Award. We will take it upon ourselves to bestow this honor on some sporting types. We know that there are likely a scant few in the world of sport whom are worthy of receiving an honor named for such a complete badass, but screw it. It’s our blog and we will do as we please, even if it is to make such a silly association as professional or collegiate sports to true heroism.

So on with the inaugural presentation. The Bruce “Snake” Crandall Honorary “Enormous Solid Steel Balls” Award goes The Ohio State University. tOSU is just about to cap off a basketball season as Big Ten Champions. Big deal? Well they did it last year too. Still not enough? How ‘bout that the football Buckeyes did it too. Two Years in a row. Big Ten haters will scoff, but hear this, ladies. Regardless of what you think of the conference, these teams spend their entire seasons kicking the shit out of each other. Coming out on top 2 years running in 2 1/2 sports is a pretty freakin’ amazing accomplishment. So suck it. (oh yeah, the Lady Buckeyes Basketball team won the conference 2 years straight too)

Congrats to you Ohio State. Please hold these “Enormous Solid Steel Balls”
NOTE: We will award the Enormous Balls periodically. Could be weekly, monthly or every 37 days. Pretty much whenever we feel like it. That's how we roll. Dig?