Sunday, February 26, 2012

NBA All Star Saturday Night

First of all, I do not apologize for my posts last night. I cannot take back what beer makes me think and/or say. Deal with it.

Catching up on last nights NBA festivities on the DVR and I must say that this is the biggest load of shitcrap I have seen in a long time. Did you watch it? Of course you didn't because you are a smart American. I swear to baby black Jesus that the most exciting part of the night was the three point competition. Seriously.

I tuned in to the slam dunk competition in my youth to see Jordan and Wilkins go one-on-one in a battle to the death of slam dunk prowess. Now, it's all bits. Jump over a tall guy....jump over P. Diddy right after he yells black power and puts his fist in the air....turn the lights off and glow in the dark and dunk the ball. On top of that, they have new technology that shows how much "Dunking Power" each dunk generates. This I assume is in response to SportsScience on ESPN that noone also cares about. Whatever. Where did the excitement go NBA?

The reason I didn't put the names of the slam dunk contestants is because they are all no namers. The NBA has to be disappointed in this. Shortened season and ratings in the toilet from what I understand would make you believe that they are doing everything possible to bring back the fans that they lost.


It truly makes me sad to see the All Star festivities diminish to what they have now become. The youth of America will never see what grew up with and therefore will never really appreciate the competitiveness and honor of the NBA All Star Game.

The only good thing I have to report is that the event went over time so I didn't get the very end of the competition and I don't care enough to go online to see who won.

Throwing it down with authority,


Location:Waimea St,Frisco,United States

Saturday, February 25, 2012

5-4. Fuck you......
Me-4; TO-3. Eat it.
Beer-3, TO touchdown count-3. And it's halftime. I dare him to beat me.
Trying to live tweet from Allen Wranglers home opener but fucking failing like a mother fucker. TO with 2tds so far. Drinking a beer for each touchdown.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Hear My Sports Confession

Forgive me Sports Father -

I think I might have sinned. Or in the process of sinning. I'm not talking about the other 6 tabs that I have open in my browser, either. Overlook the fact that I'm not wearing pants.

I used to maintain football was my favorite sport. All time. I played it, I lived it, I have football cards that never saw the spoke of a bicycle. These days, I don't get jazzed up for football season like I used to. Hell, there were three Cowboy games that I didn't even watch this year. Now that it's over, I miss it, sure. And as fall approaches, I will look forward to it, but it's not like it used to be.

I know what some of you will say: "He's champion chasing, just like all those other Dallas ass-hats". To that I say, nay, sir... Nay. Basketball season didn't start until December this year and I didn't miss it. Though I don't mind basketball, you won't find me buying tickets (but I will go if anyone has extras).

Hockey has never really been on my radar. I do like to see live games, but can't think of the last game I watched on TV.

No, baseball is where it is at. I am looking forward to sitting in my game chair, shirtless, with Dorito crumbs in my chest hair. I am looking forward to living and dying with each pitch, each win and loss. I look forward to bitching about how long spring training is and wondering why we can't just "get on with it". I'm even debating starting a Twitter account to do just that so I can beat you into submission on two social fronts.

Now that my sins are off my chest, I feel better. Don't worry, Cowboys, Stars, Mavericks, and Sidekicks, I still love you all. As a life-long resident, all of my favorite teams have always have had "Texas" or "Dallas" in front of them (exception: OU).

If you will excuse me, I have to put on some Broken Wings by Mr. Mister, force myself to cry, and comfort myself. By "comfort myself", I mean abuse myself. By "abuse myself", I mean play a little 5 on 1. By "play a little 5 on 1", I mean slam the spam. By "slam the spam", I mean... Screw it, I've finished already.

Thank you for reading, human-heads.

Yours in Christ,

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Hunched Over and Sweating

Happy Saturday you little shit-fuckers! As much as I love each and every one of you, I sincerely hope that you are spending this glorious day being productive and enjoying time with your loved ones. Actually, I hope you are hungover and spray-shitting your newly cleaned toilet in between beers.

Whitney Houston is being laid to rest today which for me is bittersweet. Bitter because I don't think that I'm in her will although we had that fling back in 1987. Sweet because I know she is in a better place than her normal bathroom stall knee-high into cocaine and meth. Godspeed Whitney.

Of all of the famous Whitney's that I know, I suppose I wanted her to die the least. Why can't Whitney Cummings have a coke problem? Why doesn't Bobby Brown stop producing makeup and start beating her ass? I mean have you seen her show.......her standup...........a picture............ever heard her name? Irrelevant. She sucks. If I had to choose between watching her TV show or the Reba show there is no doubt in my mind that I would immediately throw a brick at my TV and use the shards of glass to cut off my dick and choke myself to death with it. That actually doesn't sound all that bad honestly.

Don't judge me.

Blow it in my face,


Sunday, February 5, 2012

Live tweeting from Plano SB bash. Open Grey Goose bar? God save the children....and the mobile port-a-potties.