Wednesday, November 28, 2007

…and now the Top Ten…

HMmm, Chief Big Jim Like 'em bootleg play.

10 Jim Thorpe, RB - Carlisle: One of the greatest athletes in American history, Thorpe led Carlisle to an historic upset of Harvard in 1911 and led Carlisle to the National Championship in 1912. A 2-time All-American - he played several positions and also excelled in track, baseball, and lacrosse.

9 Glenn Davis/Doc Blanchard, RBs - Army: OK so I combined "Mr. Outside (Davis)" and "Mr. Inside (Blanchard)." Blanchard won the Heisman in '45 and Davis followed him in '46. Blanchard played both ways and handled kicking and punting and Davis averaged 11.5 yards per carry (still a record today). With these two, Army football went 27-0-1 for three season in the mid-40's.

8 Dave Rimington, C - Nebraska: 1st player to dominate due largely to strength training - elevated the role of conditioning and started the trend of dominating Cornhusker linemen. Won both the Outland and Lombardi Trophies. The Rimington Award is named after him.

7 Paul Hornung, HB - Notre Dame: Widely regarded as the best all-around player in Notre Dame history, "The Golden Boy" is the only player to win a Heisman while playing for a losing team. Played halfback, fullback, safety, and punter - and returned kicks and punts. Possibly the best 2-way player in college football history.

6 John Hicks, OT - Ohio State: Won the Lombardi and Outland Trophies AND finished 2nd for the Heisman! Arguably the greatest offensive lineman ever to play the game, Hicks created holes for the only 2-time winner of the Heisman…

5 Archie Griffin, RB - Ohio State: Changed the role of freshman in college sports by breaking the school rushing record IN HIS FIRST GAME against North Carolina during the first year when freshman were allowed to play. An iron man of the 70's, #45 NEVER missed a game due to injury and ran for 100+ yards in 31 consecutive games. Archie became the first player to start in four Rose Bowls!

4 Davey O'Brien, QB - TCU: Led the Honed Frogs to an undefeated season in 1938 and was the first player to win the Heisman, Walter Camp, and Maxwell awards in the same season. The QB of the year award is named for him.

3 Herschel Walker, RB - Georgia: Maybe the most complete package of speed, elusiveness, and power ever. Led the Bulldogs to the 1980 National Championship - as a sophomore. May have won a 2nd Heisman if he had stayed at Georgia instead of opting for the USFL. For the record, I'm glad he left college.

2 Barry Sanders, RB - Oklahoma State: Had maybe the best season EVER for a college player during 1988 (his only season as a starter) - 2,628 yards rushing and 39 touchdowns…that's not a misprint. #21 rushed for over 300 yards in four games. That's just ridiculous enough for 2nd place on my list!

…and Savant's Greatest College Football Player of All-Time is...

1 Red Grange, RB - Illinois: "The Galloping Ghost" was a 3-time All-American who appeared on the cover of Time magazine in 1925. In his very first collegiate football game, he scored three TD's against Nebraska and in his 2nd season, he led the Illini to a 1923 National Championship.

Grange vaulted to national prominence as a result of his performance in a 1924 game against Michigan. In what was the grand opening game for the new Memorial Stadium, he returned the opening kickoff for a 95-yard TD, and scored three more touchdowns in the first twelve minutes. This four-touchdown first quarter outburst equaled the number of touchdowns allowed by Michigan in the previous two years. After sitting out the second quarter, Grange returned in the 2nd half and scored twice more for a then unprecedented total of 6 TDs in a single game!

After that game, Grantland Rice wrote the following about #77:

A streak of fire, a breath of flame
Eluding all who reach and clutch;
A gray ghost thrown into the game
That rival hands may never touch;
A rubber bounding, blasting soul
Whose destination is the goal — Red Grange of Illinois!

So there you have it, I never promised perfection, equal representation, or impartiality…just my $0.02. My name is not Slim Shady or Homer J. Simpson, it's Buckeye Savant and I am a two-time graduate of the Outright Big Ten Champion and Rose Bowl Bound Ohio State University…and I'm out.

War Buckeyes!

Who Missed the Cut (no particular order…well, OK - Buckeyes first): Orlando Pace, Jim Parker, Chic Harley, Johnny Utah: Ohio State, Hamilton Fish: Harvard, Charles Woodson: Michigan, LeRoy Selmon: Oklahoma, John Hannah, Cornelius Bennett, Forrest Gump: Alabama, Reggie Bush, OJ Simpson: USC, Bubba Smith, Tony Mandarich: Michigan State, John Elway, Ernie Nevers: Stanford, Elroy Hersch and Alan Ameche: Wisconsin, Doak Walker: SMU, Chris Zorich, Joe Montana, John Lattner, George Gipp: Notre Dame, Steve Emtman: Washington, Kenny Easly: UCLA, Michael Vick: Virginia Tech, Randy White: Maryland, Nile Kinnick: Iowa, Mike Singeltary: Baylor, Troy Davis: Iowa State, Ernie Davis, Jim Brown: Syracuse, Roger Staubach: Navy, Charley Trippi: Georgia, Ty Detmer: BYU, Warren Sapp, Bernie Kosar: Miami, Danny Wuerffel, Tim Tebow: Florida, John David Crow: Texas A & M, John Cappiletti: Penn State, Sam Huff: West Virginia, Jay Berwanger: Chicago, Reggie White, Peyton Manning: Tennessee, Tommie Frazier: Nebraska, Dan Marino, Bill Fralic: Pitt, Gayle Sayers: Kansas, Lawrence Taylor: North Carolina, Walter Camp: Yale

Savant's THE REAL 25 Greatest College Football Players of All-Time

Inventor of the Stagg Party too

OK - so ABC/ESPN are pimping their Top 25 and I notice they rank the only (for at least one more year) two-time Heisman Trophy Winner #21. Done. After reading that far, I knew their list sucked. As such, I'd like to offer MY list - which considers not only play on the field, but IMPACT a player had on the game. Let me use two Buckeyes (of course) to illustrate what I mean by IMPACT.

Bill Willis - played on Ohio State's 1st National Championship Team during a period in which black players were few and far between - even in "The North." A partial result of his success was the start of black players getting opportunities to play college (and professional sports). Even though it would be another 20+ years before some southern schools (Alabama) allowed black players the opportunity, Willis was a ground-breaker.

Archie Griffin - changed the role of freshman in college sports by breaking the school rushing record IN HIS FIRST GAME during the first year when freshman were allowed to play. An iron man of the 70's, #45 NEVER missed a game due to injury and ran for 100+ yards in 31 consecutive games. Archie became the first player to start in four Rose Bowls! 21st best? Not even close ABC!

25 Colt Brennan, QB - Hawaii: ALL-TIME TD leader (and he's not yet done) - just made island football relevant for the first time ever.

24 Bill Willis, DL - Ohio State: Played on Ohio State's first National Championship team in 1942 and also excelled in track. Earned All-American honors in 1944 and was later honored by induction into both pro and college football halls of fame. Broke the professional sports color-barrier one year before Jackie Robinson. One of the first great minority players.

23 Gerald Ford, C - Michigan: A great center (and linebacker), Ford was a leader on 2 Wolverine National Championship teams and voted Team MVP his senior year. Turned down a chance to play pro football - instead opting to coach at Yale and attend law school. Went on to become president. An example of all that is good about college sports.

22 Johnny Rodgers, RB - Nebraska: "The Jet" was the greatest kick returner in college football history and received the Heisman trophy in 1972. His punt return for a TD helped Nebraska beat Oklahoma 35-31 in one of the greatest games in history (1971).

21 Bronco Nagurski, DT - Minnesota: Won All-America honors at two positions…in the same year. Played one game with a cracked vertebrae and recovered a fumble before rushing for the winning TD. Award for best defensive player in the country is named after him.

20 Earl Campbell, RB - Texas: maybe the hardest player to tackle in the history of college football, Campbell won the Heisman in 1977.

19 Dick Butkus, LB - Illinois: Played both center and linebacker for the Illini earning two-time All-America honors and was the Big ten MVP in 1963. Probably the best linebacker to ever play college football.

18 Vince Young, QB - Texas: Set the standard for the modern dual-threat QB. Led the Longhorns return to glory by winning the 2005 Heisman Trophy and orchestrating an upset of USC in one of the greatest Rose Bowl games ever played. An electrifying player to watch.

17 Hugh Green, DE - Pitt: This decorated three-time All-American finished 2nd in Heisman balloting and left Pitt with 53 career sacks. Won the Lombardi, Maxwell, and Camp Awards. Probably the best defensive end to play the game. Unfortunately, was drafted by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

16 Bo Jackson, RB - Auburn: A bruising, fast back, Jackson was drafted by the Yankees, but instead, chose to play at Auburn where he won the '85 Heisman in a landslide. Stands behind Walker as the 2nd best RB in SEC history - based on rushing yards and TDs. Bo knows Savant's
Top 25 List!

15 Alonzo Stagg, E - Yale: An end on the very first All-American team, Stagg later gained notoriety as coach of the Chicago Maroons.

14 Deion Sanders, DB - Florida State: "Neon Deion" was the 1st DB to alter opponent's game plans, superior to Woodson in every way. One of the greatest open-field runners ever and a great punt returner, too. Sanders was twice named All-American and also played baseball and ran track for the Seminoles.

13 Tony Dorsett, RB - Pitt: Broke Archie Griffin's career rushing record and led the Panthers to the 1976 National Championship, won the Heisman, Maxwell, and Walter Camp awards.

12 Tom Harmon, RB - Michigan: "Old #98" played RB, QB, and kicker, won the Heisman in 1940 and twice led the nation in scoring (only player to accomplish that feat). In his final game, against Ohio State, he led the Wolverines to a 40-0 victory, scoring five TDs (3 rushing and 2 by passing), kicking 4 PATs, intercepting three passes, and averaging 50 yards on 3 punts.

11 Billy Cannon, RB - LSU: Led the Tigers to the '58 National Championship and clinched the '59 Heisman Trophy with a spectacular 89-yard punt return against Ole Miss.

I'll be back soon with the rest.

No Bitches, they are already done, but we need to stretch these things out a bit. What are we.....prolific? Dumbass.

Savant Out

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

He Was Robbed

As many of you know, I am a devoted Redskins fan. Today I am not speaking from my maroon and gold veins, but from my heart. The sports world has lost one of their own. Sean Taylor died this morning from a gunshot wound he suffered yesterday from a burglary at his home in Florida.
I followed Taylor's career since he was an All-American at Miami. The hard hitting Taylor would soon turn out to be one of my favorite players, even if I did despise the U. When he came into the league and was selected by Washington, there was hope in the future. This of course was followed by the realization that we still had a god-awful quarterback that couldn't lead Eddie Murphy to a tranny convention much less my Redskins. During his stay, he was known for his shut-down abilities and his paralyzing hits. (disclaimer: no players were actually paralyzed by Sean Taylor's actual hits)
To the greatest #21 to ever play this will be missed. It's time to take that 7-0 lead into the sky.


Friday, November 23, 2007

Dear Diary...........

Hours since last drink: 7
Last solid b.m.: June 3rd
Calories after 2 am: 1384

The morning shakes have finally gone away. Thankfully I have just a few drops of Bailey's in my coffee in the mornings. (I hide it in my shoe) The fact that I am losing sight in my left eye has me concerned a little bit. I think that it has to do with the change in weather. Same with the loss of feeling in my big toe and my constant nosebleeds.
So I bought another hooker last night. Went around bargain shopping on the bad corners after spending the better part of a paycheck drinking whiskey and getting 2nd hand STD's at The Beaver Dam. The hooker wasn't bad. She made it clear that she would work for coke so we both got in the back of my Bronco II and did a few lines off my stuffed boar's head. I knew that thing would come in handy. Next thing I know she is trying her hardest to give me enough of an erection to make it worth her while......unsuccessful.
I woke up to the sound of maglite tapping on my back window. As soon as the light pierced my eyes, I realized that the hooker was gone and so was my boar's head. My flacid dick still in hand, I opened up the back. Not for sure what the officer said, but I think he asked me something about anal masturbation. As I proceeded to do so, I was slung to the ground and promptly taken to jail. While I was signing my papers, I noticed that the time I was being checked in was 8:42 pm. The time change really has me fucked up. I wasted my one phone call to dial my roommate to bail me out. I thought about calling a lawyer or my family, but I just needed to get out of there. He came and bailed me out within the hour and we went to the bar.
A few drinks later I thought we should probably head home. Well, actually the bouncer decided that we should since I kept asking people if they wanted to smell a hooker's rotten vagina and then I would whip out my dick. They frown on that. Turns out it was 1:45 am anyways.
Stopped by Taco Bell, White Castle, KFC and took it all into Denny's to eat along with a Lumberjack Slam and Moons Over My-Hammy. After getting home, I threw up in the fish tank and passed out in the midst of spraying the toilet. Woke up and noticed that I hadn't even taken the time to take off my underwear or pants. I have a rash now.
Until tomorrow.


Monday, November 19, 2007


LLLLLoyd Throws in the towel today. Bon Chance Mon Ami.

Please say you're just kidding. We love you LLLLLLLOYD. Please stay. We promise we'll let you win once in a while. Don't be like that. It's us, not you. You've done nothing wrong.

What? Who said the game has passed you by??? We'll kick their ass.



PK down and out.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Tressel at the Shoe

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Buckeye crew that day:
The score stood 28-21, with but one quarter more to play.
And then when Mendenhall made the first, and Dufrene did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to the hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, if only Boeckman could get back on the field –
We’d put up even money, now, with Boeckman at the wheel.

But the D preceeded Boeckman, as did another punt,
The first was getting pounded and the latter was a cunt.
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
For there seemed but little chance of Boeckman getting to pass.

But the O got a penalty, to the wonderment of all,
And Mendenhall, the much despise-ed, got stopped for only 4 with the ball;
And when the dust had lifted, and the men saw what had occurred,
There was Santella coming out with the rest of the Illini turds.

Then from 100,000 throats and more there rose a lusty WOO;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in The Shoe;
It knocked upon the Olentangy and recoiled upon the stands,
For Boeckman, mighty Boeckman, was getting his big chance.

There was ease in Boeckman’s manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Boeckman’s bearing and a smile on Boeckman’s face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly tipped his head,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt ‘twas Boeckman on the field.

Two hundred thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with crotch;
A hundred thousand tongues applauded when he hiked and did not botch.
Then while the writhing defense adjusted and read his hips,
Defiance gleamed in Boeckman’s eye, and sneer curled Boeckman’s lip.

And now the pigskin-covered ball came swiftly through the balls,
And Boeckman took it in his hands and gave it immediately to Wells.
Close by the massive tackle Wells unheeded sped-
“Second and eight,” said Boeckman. “They got nothing,” the defense said.

From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of a penis on an unfortunate coked up whore.
“Kill him! Kill Lloyd Carr!” shouted a half-naked drunken dame;
And it’s likely they’d a killed him if he was even at the game.

With a smile of Christian charity great Boeckman’s visage shone;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
He signaled to the offense, and once more the pigskin flew;
When he ran for 16 yards, it was deafening at The Shoe.

“GO BUCKS!” cried the ecstatic thousands, and echo answered Bucks;
But one confident look from Boeckman and the audience was no longer fucked.
The saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
And the knew that mighty Boeckman wouldn’t let them lose this game.

The sneer is gone from Boeckman’s lip, his teeth are clinched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his hand on the center’s taint.
And now Boeckman pulls it back, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is pierced by the force of Boeckman’s throw.

Oh, somewhere in this Buckeye land the sun is shining bright;
TBDBITL is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere the D&D crew is drinking, and somewhere Poon is beating off;
But there is no joy in Columbus – mighty Boeckman has been picked off.

Muck Fichigan


Saturday, November 10, 2007

I know what your thinkin'

I’m sitting idly by, as the clock crawls toward the kick off of the next “trap game” for the Buckeyes. The Illini lay in wait to jam a thumb right the Buckeye's poop-hole eye, just to take the gild off the lily that is the Ohio State/Michigan game. Michigan is trying to do their part right now by being down to Wisconsin late in the game.

Anyway, as the nerves become more frayed I believe I need to take the edge off, ease the mind so to speak. Who better to help with that than Old Greg?

Ok, I know it doesn’t have a bit to do with anything but don’t you feel less anxious after seeing a scaly man-fish’s mangina? Make an assessment!

It’s Ole PK out

I know many of our readers have seen this, but WTF? You got something better to do? Bite me.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Dear Diary.........

Wow! What a day I had today. It started off like any other day I guess. My mom was yelling at me to get up and get my lazy ass out of bed. One day when I get a real job I am moving out of this place I swear. I'll prove them wrong. I'm going to be something great! Who the hell wakes up before 10am anyways?
After I got up and going, I broke out my Tom Brady poster with the eyes cut out and jizzed on his face again. Man, I miss the days before he got big and he let me do it in real life. That lucky bitch that he knocked up doesn't know how good she has it. The balls on that guy are amazing and he doesn't have one hair on his body. The fact that he bleaches makes it not only nice to look at, but sanitary to kiss. He is my lobster.
I was hungry so I went to McDonalds for my usual kid's meal with extra hot fudge to dip my fries in. I love that place, I just hate the fact that people are calling me names when I go there. What did I do wrong? The keep yelling "go fuck yourself!" "you suck!" "why don't you go get another job!" Kid's can be so cruel.
While I was ordering my second ice cream (I know I'm so bad, I can't help it) this group of really nice young ladies came up to me and asked me if I wanted to hang out with them for a while. I didn't have anything to do before Tiny Toons came on at 3, so I said why not.
We went to their house where there were probably 20 girls there. Boy were they pretty. It made me get rigamortis in my dingy. I guess they could see that and then decided that they should help me out with it. They must be nursing students because they seemed to know what they were doing. First, they gave me some medicine to calm me down. I think it was called Skol and it looked like water. It didn't taste good, but most medicine doesn't unless it's those delicious Flinstones chewables. Whatever it was calmed me down really fast. I think I might be allergic to it because it made me light headed.
After they could see that I calmed down, they removed my Nemo shirt, jeans and my Spongebob underoos. My yo-yo started to hurt so they brought over someone that I guess was the doctor. He was really nice. It must be his first time doing this procedure because they were video taping it. He started massaging it until the pressure released just like it did on my poster this morning. I guess I didn't know that this could happen with someone else's help.
The procedure was done and I was still light headed, so they said I should just walk home instead of ride my tri-kee. The whole time I was walking, people were laughing at me and yelling and throwing things. It made me cry so I started running as fast as I could. When I got home, mommy was so worried.
"Where the hell have you been? You know you aren't supposed to be out past 7 and it's almost 9! Where are your clothes!"
I didn't know the answer to any of them so I just started crying. She felt bad and put me into bed for the night and brought me some racecar shaped chicken nuggets to help me feel better. Well, I guess I better go to bed so I can wake up early tomorrow and stand on the grass for a few hours. I still don't know exactly what I'm supposed to do, but I think I'm getting the hang of it.


Tuesday, November 6, 2007

OHIO ROCKS.....and then you fall face first into a wall drunk and break a mirror

This past weekend, the millionaire writers of your beloved D&D gathered together in the great city of Columbus, Ohio to give praise to the holier than holy tOSU. I'm done. I've completely sold out. I AM A BUCKEYE! To hell with the Aggies of which I have devoted my life to this point...I am fucking sold! A huge thank you goes out to my brothers up there for one of the best weekends of my life. I didn't want it to come to an end. What did we do you ask? Other than milking each other dry, we drank.....and drank......and for the love of God we drank.
Enough of the pole smoking, we are a sports blog dammit and we should write about sports. That is why I took it upon myself to decide once and for all which is more annoying.....1980's black man or 2007 black man.
Yeah, I'm going there. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against black people....I own a color TV. Hell, I own 2 so get off of my big black ass. Let's start.....

1980's black man
would often become lazy and quit his job. This soon led to losing his car, home and ruining his credit.
2007 black man now works and complains that he does not get paid as much as the white man.

1980's black man
makes rap music with his "posse" and smokes weed. That eventually led to cocaine and then usually hookers. The most famous to my knowledge was Eazy-E which not only led the rock star life, but then died from the AID that he got from some stupid bitch with a nappy ass weave. (listen to Boyz in the Hood and you will understand)
2007 black man makes rap music with his "homies" and smokes weed. This eventually leads to cocaine and then usually hookers. The software upgraded 2007 version now takes this to another level. There is more shooting of his fellow brothers now more than ever just because someone scuffed up his Pumas and called his mother a bizzle fo rizzle.

Now there are quite a few things that black people have over us. For example:
1. They have the biggest dicks I have ever had my hands around.....oh wait...I, that's actually what I meant.
2. They can weigh 350 and still get ass. Shit. I don't weigh that much and I go through a jar of peanut butter a week.
3. Sports.....enough said.

Final verdict.......PUSH

Stay black