(front door opens to a dark abandoned D&D headquarters)
Wow, the old office looks so sad these days.
(flicks light switch to reveal the distressed remains of the once prestigious HQ)
Oh, look at the rotting dog carcass! I remember when PK asphyxiated himself while pleasuring his anus when i was using it as a sock puppet.
And the hole in the bathroom stall when we tried to play who's wiener tastes worse after 2 seconds in a bloody asshole with the intern. Damn I miss those days. I wonder what the old crew is up to now?
Too bad this will be the last time that I look at this old place. It has come to my attention lately that I am so fucking cursed with this college football shit that I am bringing this disaster to and end. I had to watch Utah pull of that crap and I really don't want to hear them bitch for a year on how they deserve to be #1. Be thankful you are number 2 you British cigarettes!
Utah - you are why I am hanging myself.
And Oklahoma....why lose to Florida? Why? I hate hearing that God sucking mother fucker Tebow with his big tittied ass girlfriend say how great he is and how much he has done for society.
Oklahoma - you are why I am hanging myself.
Fox. Really? I heard your spare ass BCS crew tell me all game how much Tebow has meant to college football and how the Gaytors are destined to win.
Fox - you are why I am hanging myself.
Fiesta Bowl was a great game....if you do not hate Texas. Well I fucking do. I was upset that tOSU lost and I really think that I am a curse to Buckeye nation, but I would rather suck on Mark Mangino's underboob than have that Colt McCoy fuck-knuckle win another game.
Texas - you are why I am hanging myself.
Is it a bit much? Possibly. But after 8 months crying my bloody rectum to sleep after sucking dick and taking bribes for a quick shot from a rusty AIDS infested meth needle to the forehead while in rehab, why wouldn't I.
(the noose tosses above the doorway to the old office as I tighten it up to make sure I don't screw this up. I fit my head inside the noose and snug it to my neck. A mild erection occurs)
Well...didn't expect that. Fuck it, just jump off the stool and call it a day.
Ok, maybe one last quickie.
Savant: Dude, what the FUCK are you doing?!? Where have you been?
(Hairy Carray, Pork Chop U and PK follow Savant in the doorway)
I thought this was done? I thought we boarded the place up for good? I thought more than anything we realized we suck at this and ran out of material?
PK: Well we did. We were going to light ourselves on fire in here and burn down with the building.
Oh.....sorry to ruin that bag of fun.
Pork Chop: 3 BCS losses in a row really buried us too.
Hairy Carray: Hey Poon, why is your back to us?
PK: You have got to stop masturbaiting......