A Giant Faceful of Basketball Pickery - ep. 2

Dear Dear lovable Down and Distant reader. Holy Shit are you in for a treat. We’ve spared no expense to gather the entire cast of D&D for your basketball benefit. This is no easy task mind you. Because most of these creeps are very busy registering with their local authorities or doing something dirty while reading the JCPenney Catalog. So it is without further adieu that we bring the first installment of the Down and Distant NCAA Basketball Tournament Picking Extravaganza Love Fest. This will be five part deal, with each guy picking one regional, and Hopkins will have the enviable task of detailing the Final Four and Championship. I hope you are a fast reader. Because we are firing these bitches off fast and furious so try to keep up. Next.....Poon with the West.

Kansas and Kentucky are moving on if for no other reason than they are the only two state starting with a “K” and that’s weird. Illinois and S. Illinois are going to move on to declare which school actually exists in Illinois because as we all know, there is nothing there other than the Chicago Bears. (According to the Sex Cannon) Duke and Pitt will meet in the second round with Duke pulling the upset. Yeah I speak real sports from time to time. What of it? The Zagtastics will go against UCLA and beat them. I have no good reason why other than the fact that I love Zaggy-Zaggington because nobody knows that they even exist except for the month of March. I’m pretty sure that the school is like the Loch Ness Monster. People hear of it, but nobody sees it. I’m scared and I’m giving the round to the Zags.

As for the Sweet 16, I have Kansas facing Illinois and Duke facing Gonzaga. Kansas will fall to Illinois in this round. Any team that is cocky enough to put a ginormous mascot in the middle of their court like they do is just begging to get their ass kicked. I also have my Dukies blowing past Gonzaga to get to the Great 8 yet again. This will of course be followed by something other than winning the championship because that’s how coach K rolls. “I don’t need a fucking championship to keep my job. We are motherfucking Duke. It speaks for itself.” Uncalled for by him, but the truth none the less.

Great 8 I have Duke taking on Illinois in what we in Texas like to call a shitbarncornburnerdrunkfest. For you Yankees, that means that Duke will overcome Illinois to proceed to the Final Four. We will see what happens in Atlanta for Duke and see if they can stumble again like they are so used to doing. I saw on SportsCenter Monday that the odds of hitting a perfect bracket are in the range of 9 quadrillion to 1. I ask you this…..how then have I picked a perfect bracket for the last 3 years and still not won the lottery? I ponder that. Would you like to know the answer? It’s called I run the damn league and my friends drink enough not to know any better.

Poon (licensed bracketologist, gynecologist and offering free mammograms for all qualified buyers)