Thursday, March 8, 2007

Oklahoma-phobia

We here at Down and Distant are more than just alcohol and sports. Due to the popularity of the journey through our great states, we will cover each and every one of them bringing new light to not only the sports side, but the historical side of our nation. And if that sucks then we will make cheap jokes until it fills up the page.

Being a native Texan, I always wondered what the hell that patch of dirt to our north was good for. Well, things haven’t changed. I have seen the casinos (no booze or craps) and watched a single tear fall from an Indian’s face when I threw my cigarette out of my car window. He shot me the finger and yelled “May God rot your penis away with gonorrhea.” Well red face, you are too late for that. The joke’s on you.

Now that I am all grown up and much smarter than the rest of the American population, I know more about our little state to the north. Ready for this? Canada.

Yep. It’s Canada. Let’s see the similarities. Sits on the northern border of one bad ass place to be. Serves absolutely no purpose. Think about it. They think we don’t know. Fucking French.

Well, now that you are smarter, let’s talk about the little things that make this state great decent not as shitty a state. The OU football entity has carried the legacy of this state for years and years. In all honesty, if it weren’t for that, this state might get kicked out of the states all together. I’m not opposed to that. Get us some more land here in Texas since those Mexicans just had to have their own area down there. One person that carried the program on his shoulders is good friend to D & D, Jason White.

Down and Distant – Wow, I’m impressed. You actually have no gag reflex at all. You weren’t lying. Ok, I guess since you held up your end of the bargain, I’ll interview you.

Jason White – I miss people knowing who I am.

D&D – You are speaking into the wrong mic.

Jason – Oh, sorry.

D&D – Did I complain? Just trying to get through this interview as fast as I can.

Jason – Do you remember when I was playing for OU? I was a stud. I got more ass up in that place than you could imagine. Now look at me. Throwing around bj’s just to get in the spotlight. You know, I was playing for the Titans before my knees went out. I used to be so agile and great. Now I run slower than Muhammad Ali in a blizzard.

D&D - Ok, well talk about what makes Oklahoma great to you.

Jason - Well, honestly it's shit. If they wouldn't have paid me as much as they did to play there, I would have went somewhere else. Jesus are you kidding me? Hmmm let me think, I'm a top rated quarterback, I have the choice to go anywhere I want and I'm picking OU for nothing? Come on.

D&D - So you have absolutely nothing good to say about Oklahoma?

Jason - They do make some pretty solid buildings I guess. I mean someone lays a bomb out and half of the building is demolished, but it doesn't collapse. That's pretty impressive.

D&D - I'm leaving this is a waste of my time.

Jason - Please love me.

D&D - Get bent.

Jason - Want me to speak into the mic?

D&D - Ok, but this time turn off your highlight reel while you are doing it and for fuck's sake stop playing Boomer Sooner.

Pooner Sooner

To take a look at the states we have traveled through so far just click the state.

Colorado, Idaho, Oklahoma

1 comment:

pronto-tonto said...

I say HOW..........can you say such bad stuff about my state white face? I hope you lose your ass in my casino next time you come here. A nickel at a time. Make that a buffalo nickel at a time. Yes, that's clever.