Sunday, June 10, 2012

My Yearly Prayer

For those of you lucky enough to follow me from the old "A Day in the Life Of..." blog, then I'm sure you have many memories with me.  My near meltdown with my ex-fiance that I for some reason made public, raging alcoholism, rambling on about an All-Star game Home Run Derby contest, late night posts while sitting alone in my one bedroom apartment on the cusp of another whiskey bender......Jesus how did I keep from offing myself?

Anyways, speaking of Jesus there is one thing from the old blog that I never stopped doing.  It is my yearly prayer.  I haven't made it public on here since I last did it on the old blog five years ago, but I think I am at a point that I need to put it here for the world to see.  Enjoy.

Hey Jesus, you there?  Hello?  I'm not sure why I always get your answering machine but it's frustrating me.  Anyways, I hope you are doing well and I think about you a lot.  Especially when I need something or when I'm upset.  That's just the way it works.  Sorry.

So I remember when you sent me that picture of you at the Spurs game a few years ago and I lol'd about it non-stop.  You were always crazy and I hope you haven't lost that.  I do have some concerns about your well-being though.  The Spurs lost and you let Miami make it to the Finals.  Is everything ok?  I know we aren't talking like we used to, but if you want to get together and talk I'm here for you.  Just because we aren't in the same relationship we used to be doesn't mean I don't care.  I do.  A lot.  Especially when the FUCKING SPURS AND CELTICS LOST AND THE FUCKING THUNDER AND HEAT ARE IN THE FINALS!!!!!

Sorry.  Just a bunch of emotions built up.  I mean I haven't forgiven you for stuff that happened in the past like LSU beating tOSU and the back to back World Series losses for the Rangers, but I hold out hope that you are going to prove to me that you are still the same as when I met you.  I think you KNOW you are.  There is something that is just causing you distress.

I really hope that you can talk to me and we can work through this.  For you.....not for me.  Because at this point we are really in a lose/lose situation.  Either OKC or Miami has to win this thing, right?  Unless you have something really awesome up your sleeve.  If you do, please talk to me so I know you are ok.

Call me maybe?


Friday, June 8, 2012

This Year is Different.....wait is that already taken?

Foo Fighters playlist and Sprite with my vodka.
Late night of drinking pre-Dominicana.
Cranking on airplanes and PK in bleans,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When a dog farts,
When my pee stings.
When YOLO makes Pickled Mick mad.
I remember that these are my favorite things
And then I just feeeeeeel soooooooo raaaaaaaaaadd!

So it begins. Well it actually began last night, but either way we are on our trip to see two of the most awesome people that we know get hitched. Although we are only halfway through 2012, this has been one shitfuckawesomeass of a year. To top it all off, it's only getting better. I haven't looked forward to a year like this in a long time. And I'm not talking from the heart of D&D but personally. D&D wise, it has been a hell of a year as well. Launched what may be the most profitable podcast of all time that now has followers all over the world. Porn bots or no, it registers so that counts.

I think for the past few years I have said that it was the year of the Poon. This may be the year I finally live up to my expectations.....and not a goddamn second too soon.

You know what this is not the year of? Russell Fucking Westbrook. You heard me right, Goat. This is not the year. I have come to the point that I am so against him, I have found myself rooting for not only San Antonio, but anyone that is not OKC. And man that hurts my anus having to do that. I mean like really hurt. Not that kind of "what did I do Friday night" kind of hurt, like "man I'm glad that guy only had three fingers on his left hand" kind of hurt.

Oh boo hoo Oklahoma. Oh you've been die hard fans for so long? Eat shit. "Thunder Up"? If one person from that trailer park state can explain that to me in something other than Otoe language then I'll believe it. You don't know what it means and neither does anyone else. Die.

When I was with C and I went to OK for the first time, she tried to sell me on that state with two points:
1. They invented the parking meter
2. Garth Brooks is from there


If she just would have included that Toby Keith is from there too, I would have turned the car around, kicked her in the cunt in the direction of the nearest truckstop, lit a cigarette and flicked it in the closest patch of dry grass and watched as that shithole state burned in my rear view.

After more than an hour and a half on this flight, we are finally served drinks and I have never been more excited to get a $5 shot of vodka in my life. Will keep you posted throughout the week via twitter.


Never let me slip cause if I slip then I'm slippin'


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