Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Predictions for 2008

In NO danger of drowning

OK - so Poon finally posted something breaking our "silent period." Although we had plenty of our usual below-average and sophomoric material, we thought a brief reprieve from our witty banter would make you (the reader) appreciate our stuff more. OK - just plain appreciate our stuff. Anyway, now that it's back on (like Donkey Kong), Savant dons his scarlet and gray turban and reveals a peek into the next 10 or so months.

Bad news for Buckeye haters! Savant sees his Buckeyes making yet another trip to the BCS Championship Game - only this time, they actually beat an SEC team. It's going to suck to be a Georgia Bulldog in January 2009 as Ohio State will defeat the Dawgs 30-20 in the FedEx BCS Championship. The Vest will secure his 6th - and Ohio State's 8th - National Championship. To prepare for the trip to South Beach, Savant has already started manscaping, waxing, and bleaching as he wants a clean workspace for the Buckeyes tattoo. In addition, Tim Tebow will win a 2nd Heisman so he'll have one for each of his hot girlfriend's terrific breasts.

College Basketball will crown a brand new 1st Time Champ…the Tennessee Volunteers. Rocky Top will be sung in San Antonio (site of UT's loss to the Buckeyes in 2007, by the way) at the Bruce Pearl Jam - aka 2008 Final Four.

Savant sees the loaded Detroit Tigers making a strong push for the World Series Title, but not enough to overcome the New York Mets. Despite a monumental collapse down the stretch last year, the addition of Santana (from the Twins) makes the Mets a strong contender for best team in New York and he likes them over the Tigers 4-3 in The Series.

NFL…whatever, Savant thinks the Patriots will be back just to piss-off everyone (including himself). Pats over Cowboys in the Super Bowl.

Britney Spears, in a desperate attempt to stay in the spotlight, poses naked (unfortunately) for Plumpers magazine.

Led Zeppelin reunites for a sweet-ass North American Tour. d&d staff sell the website to pay for a couple ducets leaving readers to recall - with great fondness - the good old days of posts from PK and Poon and that idiot guy Savant.

After a couple of d&d brand roofies, Posh Spice sleeps with most of the staff while attending the website's VIP Party (husband David has his way with Hairy Carray, when, in haste, Hairy takes the roofies himself). Good times.

Mrs. PK becomes marketing director for Babe's Cabaret in New Orleans after coining the slogan "come on in...and ruin your political career…don't cost nothin'!"

If you're a/an (insert sign here), then you'll be - pick one: getting laid/masturbating - more in 2008…and don't be afraid of trying a little ass play this year. Porkchop U swears by it.

Savant sends his best wishes for a happy non-shitty and healthy disease-fee 2008.

War Auld Lang Syne (albeit 7 weeks late).

Savant Out, Bitches.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Stroll Down Memory Lane...

See, I told you that when football was over we wouldn't post on here anymore. Amazing Super Bowl post. Pro Bowl post. In the words of Broadway Joe, we are struggggllling here. In between waiting for Nascar to start and popping Advil, I stumbled across my old blog and decided to read a few lines. In doing so, I found my list of things I planned to do in 2007. Let's take a look at how I did.

Here are a couple of things I plan to do in 2007......

1. Start a cult
-Hey I look good in purple and I like Kool-Aid, what can go wrong?
Technically never started, but it's a good idea still. I actually came close enough to killing myself in 2007 that I will just consider this one accomplished and bypass the formalities.

2. Finish the movie
-You might have to go back a year in posts to understand this if you don't know what I'm talking about, but I've been working on the son-of-a-bitch for 2 years and still don't have a title.
I'm pretty sure that everyone is confused with this one. I was working on a movie for the past few years and really never dedicated myself to it enough to get past the first 15 pages. I will just keep carrying this on year to year until I finally realize that I am nowhere near creative enough to actually write a movie.

3. The new blog
-Much more details to come with this. It's going to be quite amazing.
"Quite amazing?" How high was I? We did start the blog in 07 and I completely disregarded my old one. Here is my gift for you in 08....we will make the blog even more quite-ish amazingly decent.

4. Stop watching so much DIY, HGTV and FOOD network
-I LOVE Rachael Ray, and I can't get enought Kitchen Renovation. Don't even get me started on Flip This House. I feel like I get gayer by the minute watching those channels and sitting around eating my artichoke dip that Rachael taught me how to make in 30 minutes or less.
Easy.....I still love all of those things. I watched a Bathroom Renovations marathon this morning. If anything this has gotten worse since the discovery of Hot on Homes. That reminds me I Tivo'd it this morning and need to wrap this up so I can get caught up on the deals at Craig Ranch.

5. Stop eating artichoke dip
-Thanks KSK
Who the hell am I kidding? I f-ing love me some artichoke dip. I guess that makes me a F-ing Asshole. Suck it KSK!

6. Buy a CD
-This one might be tough to accomplish now that we can get them for free on the internet.....What? That's illegal? Disregard that last sentence.
Actually did buy a CD. The soundtrack to Chitty Chitty Gang Bang counts, right?

7. Find career stats for Dominck Williams
-Don't know why I can't find this bastard.
Will continue to search.....will keep you posted.

8. Call bullshit more on a daily basis
-Like the Dodge commercial with the Rock-em Sock-em Robots, his head wouldn't blow off unless he actually got hit or he malfunctions. Take that big blue motherfucker back to Toys R Us where he came from. Bullshit.
Dear lord how much I have done this in the past year. Even Friday night in that Taiwan joint (you know the of 35 with the really cute girl working at the front desk but then when you go to the back they aren't all that cute but, hey you're there. What are you gonna do? Leave? You couldn't do that and besides it's been a while and you just need to do the deed and be done with it. I mean a hand is a hand right? So there is a little extra hair on her upper lip, but really there's a little extra hair on my junk so you wouldn't really notice.) when the girl said that I could do whatever I wanted because she is clean.....bullshit. However, I couldn't pass it up. VD's aren't really that fun.

9. Find a dusty TV and draw a penis on it
-Nothing is funnier than seeing a dusty penis just as your favorite show goes to commercial.
Done. I actually did this on my own TV. Yeah, I'm serious.

Ok, I'm done. Let's see how many of those I can check off my list by the end of the year. I say I will do 8 out of 9. We will see.

So how many did I actually accomplish in 07? Well I said that I would knock out 8 of 9 and I actually did 5. Maybe I will make another list for 08 so that I can reflect next year on how much I pissed away the year without accomplishing anything. Blow me.