Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Dominus Nabisco



As you’ve heard by now the Pope is in da house. It’s only the third time ever that a Pope has visited the US. So in honor of His Royal Religious Highnessocity’s visit we’re taking a look back at the recent “New” sins that His Popeness added a few weeks ago. The Vatican announced several new sins for 2008 - including causing environmental blight and bioethical violations. Never a website to ignore the topic of sins (or an opportunity to make a new list), we at d&d would like to offer some suggestions for sins that didn't make Pope Benedict's list.


Premature Ejaculation - I mean come on (sorry)…early departure really isn't good for anyone, is it? Perhaps by making it a sin, Hairy Carray will work on his "issue." Men, don't forget practice makes perfect and if that doesn't work, you could always think of dung beetles (thanks to Jason Bigg's character from American Pie for that jewel).


Cheering for M*chigan - In the realm of good vs. evil, you certainly don't want to live in the shadows by cheering for the Evil Fiefdom (they suck too much to be an empire). Many sins have a gray area, but not this one. Just don't do it. Rooting for the Buckeyes is surely the path to salvation, but if you can't dig on the Scarlet and Gray, just don't support the Maize and Blue or you will suffer a fate worth than death (unless you like the Capital One Bowl).

Driving Slow in the Left Lane - Frankly, this should have made the list 40 years ago. Who are all these slow-driving in the left lane M-Fers? Get out of the left lane and get into the express lane to Hell, assholes!


Talking on Your Cell Phone While in a Check-Out Line - If it's not an emergency (lining-up sex for later, ordering tickets to a Buckeyes' game, or renewing your subscription to down and distant), then wait until later. If you're on your phone while in the queue at McDonald's, we hope some one ejaculates (but not prematurely) in the tartar sauce on your filet of fish.

If you need further New Age spiritual guidance, please contact d&d. Add your additions to the list in the comment section, heathen.

War Hallelujah!

Out

(of the left lane, assholes)

Buckeye Savant


3 comments:

poon4life said...

Not renewing my subscription to 4 Girls Fingerpainting would be a sin I think. Google it and double check it for me.

PK said...

I think you're going to H-E-double toothpicks either way. Doomed if you don't renew and doomed if you watch it. Their fathers must be so proud.

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