I Lied to Jesus...

Many of my humble followers remember my yearly prayer to Jesus just before the Super Bowl. Well, as I sit here waiting for tomorrow when I leave for Vegas for a full week, I had to pray again. I'm not proud of it, but it's one of those things that I had to do to make sure I had all of my bases covered. (I also burnt incense, rubbed a fat person's belly which I got punched for, smoked dope, bought a purple sheet, new jump suit and white Nike's, drinking some Kool-Aid later, married 4 women and I'm also getting drunk as we speak. You know for the Catholics.) Here's the transcript.

Well, I'm back again. I know I said that I wouldn't talk to you until next year but I can't help it. I guess that you know that I'm going to Vegas tomorrow. If you don't then you are slacking now days. By the way, if you know how many hairs I have on my head, then do you also know that it's falling out on a daily basis? Seriously, it's not funny.
Sorry I got sidetracked. I leave tomorrow and I'm kind of scared. Well, yeah of flying, but.....yeah of getting hold of some bad coke but.......yeah I know about the STD's too and that thing last time with the hooker, the dog, the one eyed hamster and the fact that Peter Gammons is hung like a donkey. That's not what I'm worried about. Well, that is kind of what I'm worried about.
Now that d&d is as big as we are, what if I get out of control? I mean I'm going to be there for a week for your dad's sake. Let's say that I get too many drinks in me and get a little trigger happy at the craps table. Let's also say that I get on a run of bad luck there and can't get out of the hole. Let's also say that I have a blank company check in my pocket and have already thought through this whole scenario. Well, I have and I think that you owe me.
I'm not asking to win the lottery or anything like that, just maybe keep me even. That's all I'm asking. Now if you find it within whatever powers you are said to have to slip me a few hundred or a few grand here and there, well then we will revisit the whole church thing again. And yes I did get your email about what time services start and I would just like to say thanks a bunch smart ass.
Ok, well I think that we are on the same wavelength now and I appreciate in advance all that you are going to do for me. Well I have to get off of here so I can keep drinking. You know for the Catholics. Just in case.

Poon 3:16