I'm in Hell and I still can't get away from the Rangers

Today is the first day in a long time that the Rangers didn't lose a game. Too bad that we had to do that by having the day off. Seriously what the hell is wrong with this team? Oh, maybe us fans should be behind them more so that they would have more money to chase after free agent. Fuck that. Yes, mother I swore. Fuck that.

If someone seriously tells me that the Rangers are struggling for money this year so they need more support than ever, I will punch them in the taint. Male or female, I don't care. Taint hit for you. I also will go out on a limb and say that the Rangers will not win more games this year than the Mavericks did(67). If they do, then it will not be by more than 5 games. That is Poon's lock of the year. If I am wrong then I owe my crew at the bar a round. Mark that bitches.

I honestly don't see hell being any worse than watching the Rangers play baseball. I know that Helen Keller can be a bitch of a receptionist and all, but I don't see it as that bad. Just to check to see how bad it really was I took a road trip down there just for the weekend, not solid plans yet. By the way I picked out a sweet piece of land if anyone is interested.
When I walked in there were space heaters blowing full blast in my face. Pretty horrible, but not the heat I was looking for. After wandering around for a while and waiting for help like I was a black person on a car lot, someone finally asked if I needed anything. "Just looking around." I said
"We have several specials right now. HAHAHAHA."

"I don't get it."

"Don't get what?"

"Why you were laughing."

"Little do you know how bad hell really is, sir! The space heaters were only the beginning. If you thought that was bad, we have mandatory tanning bed sessions daily! HAHAHAHA!"

"So, what's so bad with that?"

"You might think that you will get by on 8 minutes, but we make you stay for 12!!!!! That will lead to CANCER!!!!"

"Won't I already be dead?"

"CAAAAANNNNNCCCCCEEERRRRRRRRR!"

"Hey! Is that Hitler shoving a pineapple up his ass?"

As the large red man turned around and started spanking his red rocket, I ran back to the car and headed out. It seems nice and all, but I don't know how cold the beer will stay down there. That is the only hang up I have. Eh, I'll probably take the offer either way. I sure don't want to sit all stuck up watching people walk on streets of gold sober.

Poon