Friday, February 23, 2007

I'm Retired-ded

"what are you looking at?


Damn. Why didn’t I think of this? I’m pretty sure come Monday, I am going to march into my boss’s office and tell him that I am going to retire. However, if I do not find a company that wants me for more money or more opportunity that I have here, I’ll just come back so keep my cubicle warm for me. Thanks.

And to think, it was Corey “I look like I’m running with children on my legs now days” Dillon that made me realize this. In all honesty, I’ve never been a big fan of this jackwad. When he was in Cincy, he sucked….kinda…..well, he was ok…..shit. I really hate when I don’t like a guy and I’m ready to tear him a new one and then I realize th

at he was actually pretty good. He has averaged 1100 yards per year since he has been in this league, but that is kind of padded. Over the past 4 years he has had 541, 1635, 733 and 812. Really? Not that great to me. I know the 1635 is an OK season, but is the rest of his career going to be enough to put him in the Hall? My answer….YES!

Confused? I’ll bet you are my little servants. “Didn’t he say that he hates this guy and now he wants him in the HOF?” Maybe I did. Contradictory? Yes. Let me explain. The 2007 class included a guy tied for 2nd most consecutive seasons in Browns history (seriously? Look at it, its his highlight), a guy that never had more than 42 receptions in a season and only 336 for his career and this guy that got voted in for having the coolest fucking hair ever. I will not get on a tangent about Irvin, Bruce Matthews or Thurman

Thomas because that will open up a whole new thing that I don’t need to get into. Corey Dillon just needs to wait for an off season for the Hall and he will slide in there just like the rest of the mediocre players that made it.

Congrats Corey. I hope that you retire and then in 27 years you get voted in and you can’t even walk up to the stage because your legs are so beaten from the playing you did. You see, I can be a nice person too. I could have just told him to eat shit and die, but I don’t roll like that.

Speaking of dying, I received a private call today at the house and I didn’t answer not thinking much of it. I heard that they left a voicemail so I went to see who it was. Sam Snead. Yeah, that Sam Snead. As PK kindly pointed out “I thought he would sound a little deader than that.” I thought so too. I did the ‘ol *69 on it just to see what I could find and it connected me directly to Hell. When they answered it went like this.

“Fuck you for calling Hell. This is Helen Keller how can I direct your call?” (yeah kinda surprised me too)

“This is –insert real name here-. Sam Snead called me and I was just returning his call.”

“Well, you will just have to wait another year to talk to him when you get down here. We can’t transfer to that area.”

“Is it a bad wing? I don’t get that….hey what do you mean another year before I get down there?”

“Oh nothing. Good luck in Vegas in April 2008. hahahahaahahahahaha”


What a bitch. And don’t ask how she could find the phone or even hear it when I talked. Jesus works miracles in Hell I guess.



The Penalty Kill said...

This will play well with our more Bibleriffic readers. Helen Keller, will show you around when you get down there, tomorrow. I mean next year......

Mice of 3 said...

Hey you douchebags. You suck. Leave Helen Keller out of it.

dreamingtree said...

Well so far you only got 1 hateful comment. I like when you go off on little dialog trips. Always a laugh until you pull the deaf, blind, and greatly respected heroin into a joke about hell. But nevertheless....funny. Keep up the great work. You guys are hilarious.

The Penalty Kill said...

giggle. "Dreaming" said heorin.

The Penalty Kill said...

Hey how come Dreamingtree only comments on Poon posts? What's up with that? Poon has stalker. We are all seriously jealous. I want one. Shit.