Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Hey Sexy Mama With the Diaper!

I guess it's all over now. No more playoffs. No more Super Bowl. No more Jaws on Salisbury man sex.....what? Anyways, football in my book is done until August. Sure, we have the Pro Bowl Saturday (yeah Saturday, good football day for pros) and I suppose that I might watch the skills challenge just so feel worse about myself, but no real football.
Shit. I'm a boring human being without it. I wish that there was some way for me to get into some other sport. Well, at least I'm not Lisa Marie Nowak. It is one thing to go on a road trip and wear diapers, (going back to work after a Pancho's all-you-can-eat might be one reason....not that I know....or did that today) but she threw on a wig and a trench coat and tried to spray chemicals in the poor lady's car. What happened to the good old days where you could just work in a couple of stab wounds and chunk someone in the river. I miss the good old days. Well, what supposedly happened is in a state of rage over some dude that doesn't give two shits about her or probably even knew her name, Lisa Marie (note-all great killers use middle names) traveled from the beautiful smog hole of Houston to the great overrated "mom Goofy grabbed my ass" Orlando looking for ol' Colleen Shipman that was going down to hang with the captain. Meeting Colleen at the terminal, she then followed her to her rental car and tried to force her way into her car. When Colleen finally cracked her window, Lisa then sprayed chemicals in her car hoping to kill the stupid man stealing bitch. That is where we are now I suppose.
Good times. Who needs football when we have this kind of stuff going on in daily life. I have spent all day today trying to get my email strings straight to get some sort of exclusive on this story. I finally got ahold of my friend that works at NASA who did not want to be named, so we will call her Harriet Tubman. Harriet responded as follows...
"You're a dick and I hope you rot in hell. It burns when I pee now and I don't know how to get rid of these blisters on my mouth. If I ever see you again I will burn off your ball hair with a blow torch. Ass. Here is the only photo I have of her after the mission she went on.
P.S. - send some more money or I'm shipping this kid back to you the way I got him....UPS. Dick."

Well, I appreciate that dumb bitch and here is the exclusive photo of Lisa Marie from only 2 months ago.

You're welcome.

Your first source for breaking news.....POON

P.S. - You're GD right Poon called the SB score. 2 points off mofo's. Poon OUT!


The Penalty Kill said...

So many things....Can't talk.....Eyes hurt.....feeling sick....Why does it sit like that....Why does it have a crayon drawing on the wall....boobs?....Why Poon Why.....Ouch.

Dreamingtree_27 said...

Holy Mantits that is sick!