Universal Truth #10045: The older you are the faster your earhair grows.
Universal Truth #10046: The more sexual the name of a drink, the less likely it is to get you sex – like “up all night having crazy howler monkey sex”
Universal Truth #10047: Your team is guaranteed to loose if your fast little returner runs the opening kick off back for a touchdown. Helpful Citations: Teddy Ginn Jr. in the “Disaster in the Desert” and Da Bears in last night’s Super Bowel. Conclusive proof. (slams trapper-keeper closed and pushes away from the table.)