We’re very lucky today to have available to us today the services of Madame Wiscre Bisquet, world renowned animal spirit channeler. We are excited to be the first to speak with dear recently departed equine hero, Barbaro. Madame Bisquet, we are seated in a circle and have our incense burning, so whenever you have him just let us know.
OOOOOoooooooooBarbaro can you hear me.
Barbaro: Yeah, who the hell is this?
Down And Distant: Holy shit, wow, who knew this would work? Hey Barbaro, it’s the boys from sportsy blog, Down and Distant. How do you feel?
Barbaro: Ight, I guess. What do youse want, yo? I’m waiting on a mutha of a line here. You’d think they’d have a separate line for celebs and shit.
DaD: Tough day, huh?
Barbaro: I’ve had better, you know. Damn. Go in for another little touch up surgery and boom I end up here. I’m not even sure what the fuck happened. You?
DaD: Uh, well, so um, not really. What are you looking forward to doing now that you are up there? You are “up” there, aren’t you?
Barbaro: I guess so, the weather’s kick ass, and I’m pretty sure I can see a field of alfalfa on the other side of the gates. Which rocks. To answer your other question, GET LAID.
Barbaro: That’s right, bub. I left the mortal coil with my cherry in tact, dig. It was all “got to go train, Barbaro” “Go run here, Barbaro, go run there” “there’ll be plenty of time for girls later, Barbaro.” What a bunch of crap. I done what they said and never even got a sniff, not even on that sway back palomino bitch from 3 stalls down.
DaD: That’s pretty heavy.
Barbaro: Ain’t you a freaking wordsmith. Yeah it was “heavy.” You know I won the Kentucky Freakin’ Derby. I coulda quit right then and there and been set for life. Nailin anywheres between 5-8 mares a week. That’s a lot of horse sex. You gettin it that much there, chump?
DaD: Horse Sex? No.
Barbaro: Asshole. What do you want, I’m busy.
DaD: We’d love to hear who you think is going to win the Super Bowl? Got a favorite?
Barbaro: Well, I should really be pulling for Manning and the Colts. Get it, Colts? Horseshoes? Plus Manning looks like he could be my cousin. “Hey Peyton, why the long face?” God damn, I always loved that one. But I’m pulling for Da Bears.
DaD: The Bears, really? Why?
Barbaro: Two words. Rex “Sexy-Rex-the-Sex-Cannon” Grossman. That’s why. He’s my hero. He is slinging that sword of his around like a freakin ninja. He’s packin too. I would have loved to hang with him. Get ya some Rex! I gotta go, I’m almost in plus I think I see Eddie Arcaro. I’ve always wanted to meet this little dago.
Zzzzzzzzzz: (paranormal dial tone.)