Friday, January 26, 2007

Incognito Southpaw

Steve Young, Matt Leinart, Ken Stabler, Boomer Esiason. What do these men have in common? They pull more wool than a Senior Citizen's Center. Well, that and they are all southpaws. Yeah, there are some more, but to be honest with you I didn't want to take the time to look people up so deal with it.

This morning I discovered something quite interesting. I too am left handed. I don't believe it either. I was buttoning up the cuffs on my shirt and had no problem with the right arm (buttoning it with the left hand), but the left arm gave me alot of trouble. I've had this problem before and just never addressed it, but today it hit me. I'm a fucking southpaw. Dear God. I've never noticed how good I actually am with my opposite hand. I do everything (and I mean everything ladies) with my right hand. Write, eat, drink, throw, swing, smack hot cheerleader ass, I mean everything and I'm damn good at it. What if I would have known this earlier? Maybe I would be the Tiger Woods of the left-handed world. By that I mean I would do the things Tiger does right-handed, left-handed. I solely blame three people for this curse that I have, my parents and God. Why did they not tell me that I was a lefty? They just let me lead this life of lies for the last 25 years. And God, I didn't see this coming at all. That's not a funny trick to play on someone. I got word him and Mary had a sidebet going on how long it would take me to realize this. Well, congrats Mary. I talked to Joseph and he said you had 2 to 1 that it would be between 25 and 30. Apparently the Big Man had me finding out before 20. Well, the jokes on you sir. You made me too dumb to find out that early. Is that possible?

Oh well, now that I am officially a lefty (but not loosey) I am going to start perfecting my left handed techniques. So far today I have spilt a drink on myself and mushed a half-eaten breakfast burrito on the side of my face. I also wrote some numbers down for a few of my stores and I'm pretty sure that in heiroglyphics it means "Pharoh smoke donkey yam bags." I'm still working out the kinks, but I think day one went well. I'm also going to try typing with only my left hand and see if I can get a workout like that. Until next time.


1 comment:

The Penalty Kill said...

You're right, Pharoh does smoke donkey yam bags. Y

ou had to know you're a lefty, you've been smoking lefties since you were in 5th grade.