Showing posts with label roofie-colada. Show all posts
Showing posts with label roofie-colada. Show all posts

Friday, July 13, 2007

Keywords like a mutha.....

Avid down and distant reader, CFG, sends in a picture of his workspace

Making good on an earlier threat, today kids we are going to take a look at what keywords unsuspecting rubes visitors to Down and Distant use to find us. We use Statcounter which logs where our visitors come from, where they land and what key words they use to get here. Luckily for deviants like Hairy Carray and IndyBuckeye we can’t track what other sites you visit. Though, I suspect they're very GILFy and it probably involve ball-gags and nipple-clamps. Sorting through the literally thousands hundreds scores of visitors we get daily would be too much, so I’ll just hit some highlights.

O’Mazin Grace - More than a couple of folks tapped this into google and came up with Poon’s quick hit about the NBA lottery and a video of his Poon's half-brother singing the venerable spiritual
O’Mazin Grace. He's a good singer, you should check it out.

Cyndi Lauper – Buckeye Savant’s
pleadings to keep his relationship from taking up residence on the Island of Sappho brought a bunch of visitors. Mostly from Cyndi’s official fan site. Welcome carpet munchers. Zing.

Chris Isaak – I seemed to have stirred up the pot with his fans in a
Chris Isaak chatroom. I’d barely heard of the guy whose music is described as a blend of country, blues, rock and roll, pop and surf rock. Add a dash of death metal and a pinch of rap and reggae and we might have something to talk about. I do like the comment from Anonymous though; you really can’t hear “Ass Hat” enough.

Roofie Colada – I’m not kidding. 6 people actually stopped by D and D after searching
Roofie Colada. I’m not sure but I bet they were looking for a good recipe or maybe to find out if it works better in a Hello Kitty glass. (Insert clown suit joke here.) I am sure however they were disappointed to find out the post was a conversation with John McEnroe about tennis shoes.

Well now that was fun, no? It certainly wasn’t a blatant attempt to get words like “GILFy” and “Nipple-Clamp” in the interweb-world so maybe we can get more suckers new visitors on the ole bait and switch gambit. Because that would be cheap.

AWESOMENESS UPDATE: This just in....Someone in Virginia wanted to know "How to Suntan your pubes" which of course brought them to Savants piece on baseball promotions. He knows how to draw em in, that's fo sho.

PK out.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Tennis and Tumors.....What a Weekend.

I'm not going to call anyone out on this, but one of our loyal retards needs to get this fucking thing checked out. I'm not for sure whether he is waiting for it to fall off during the night or if he just keeps it there for his wife's pleasure. Either way, it's probably not a good thing to keep around.
As PK proclaimed in his "State of the Distant Address", we are changing our direction and are also going to give more effort to this deal. In all honesty, we want more money so we can move our headquarters to Victory Park and finally get out of this shitty $7 million dollar office building.
Maybe some of our readers can help me out on something that was brought to my attention the other day. No, I know that sucking dick is not gay unless you say I love you. Thanks though. But I thought that the term tennis shoes was a world standard. You know other than the fact that in Italian it would be scarpa de tennis. I think some other countries are still not on board with speaking english, but I'm not sure. I was corrected the other night when I found out that some people use "sneakers" instead of tennis shoes. Maybe it's a southern thing and the yankees that were trying to correct me are just a bunch of "eh" saying and Heineken drinking dick wads. But who's judging. For a little clarification, I thought that I would call my good friend John McEnroe to see if he had any input.
D&D - Hey, John. Thanks for helping me out on this.

John -
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU SORRY SHIT EATING MOTHERFUCKER. No problem.

D&D - So how are things going?

John - IF YOU DON'T PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF THAT FUCKHOLE YOU CALL AN ASS I'LL SHOVE THIS TENNIS RACKET UP YOUR DICK! Pretty good. The kids are getting big, you should come down and see them sometime. I'm sure they miss uncle -insert real name here-.

D&D - I know. It's been forever. It takes alot of time running close to a billion dollar empire. Well, I have a real question for you. I know you were born overseas, but do you say tennis shoes or sneakers?

John - I SWEAR TO JESUS ALMIGHTY THAT I COULD GRAB YOU OFF OF THAT CHAIR RIGHT NOW AND AND LAY AN ASS WHIPPIN ON YOU THAT YOUR MOTHER WOULD BE JEALOUS OF. Hmmm. Never really thought about it, but I say tennis shoes. Probably because I play tennis. You know, now that I think of it, I don't know anyone that says sneakers. That's probably not a whole lot of help, but that's all I got.

D&D - No, that was helpful. Just wanted a little input from someone else. Well, I gotta go ass bang your daughter before she is completely unconscoius from the roofie-colada I shoved down her throat.

John - What?

D&D - Huh?

John - Eat Shit.
*click*

Well, that was rude for him to hang up on me. Well, there you have it. I will send out an e-vite for the world leaders to now use tennis shoes and only tennis shoes when referring to sneakers from here on out.

Poon