Three Seconds Left....He Shoots.......He Ruins Another T-Shirt

Ok, s0 I talk a big game and don't back it up. Remember when I said a few months ago that the summer was slow and when football season came around we would be writing more than an oriental in advanced calculus? I remember that too. What happened you ask? Well listen up you ass hat, it is hard running a multi-million dollar sports media empire. Do you think that we get nominated for awards left and right just because we listen to the voices of the poor bastards that have nothing better to do than read this thing? NO! We get nominated because we kick ass......and we know people that know people and blah blah blah.
Fear not. We are back. Unfortunately the creative juices that started flowing during the first week of football ended up just being juices leaking out of our newly bleached holes because of the olestra filled WOW chips that PK and I found on sale at the 99 cent store because they expired 10/2004. Seriously, who can pass up a bargain? I mean 99 cents with a 20% off........yeah that's what I thought.
As we digest the first 7 weeks of football, what did we learn?

Randy Moss is a fucking freak.
Tom Brady has a 15" cock with balls the size of boxcars.
The Bengals might have more arrests than wins this year.
I still want to piss on Texas Stadium and the dick it rode in on.
The Redskins are the best team in the NFL.....deal with it.
Vinny Testeverde can raise the average age of a team by almost a decade.
Minnesota loves AP.......and number 28 is pretty good too.

While spending this week on vacation, I have a pretty packed schedule. I won't go into details, but it includes diapers, oriental men, a box of zip ties, both a phillips and flathead screwdriver, a hairless panda and a change of underwear and socks. Fortunately, this can all be checked in so that I don't have to carry any of it on the airplane. I also have on my schedule to get busy writing. This will be my first flight with our new pilot for our company jet. Seems like a good guy, Marshall grad.

Poon

Keywords like a mutha.....

Avid down and distant reader, CFG, sends in a picture of his workspace

Making good on an earlier threat, today kids we are going to take a look at what keywords unsuspecting rubes visitors to Down and Distant use to find us. We use Statcounter which logs where our visitors come from, where they land and what key words they use to get here. Luckily for deviants like Hairy Carray and IndyBuckeye we can’t track what other sites you visit. Though, I suspect they're very GILFy and it probably involve ball-gags and nipple-clamps. Sorting through the literally thousands hundreds scores of visitors we get daily would be too much, so I’ll just hit some highlights.

O’Mazin Grace - More than a couple of folks tapped this into google and came up with Poon’s quick hit about the NBA lottery and a video of his Poon's half-brother singing the venerable spiritual O’Mazin Grace. He's a good singer, you should check it out.

Cyndi Lauper – Buckeye Savant’s pleadings to keep his relationship from taking up residence on the Island of Sappho brought a bunch of visitors. Mostly from Cyndi’s official fan site. Welcome carpet munchers. Zing.

Chris Isaak – I seemed to have stirred up the pot with his fans in a Chris Isaak chatroom. I’d barely heard of the guy whose music is described as a blend of country, blues, rock and roll, pop and surf rock. Add a dash of death metal and a pinch of rap and reggae and we might have something to talk about. I do like the comment from Anonymous though; you really can’t hear “Ass Hat” enough.

Roofie Colada – I’m not kidding. 6 people actually stopped by D and D after searching Roofie Colada. I’m not sure but I bet they were looking for a good recipe or maybe to find out if it works better in a Hello Kitty glass. (Insert clown suit joke here.) I am sure however they were disappointed to find out the post was a conversation with John McEnroe about tennis shoes.

Well now that was fun, no? It certainly wasn’t a blatant attempt to get words like “GILFy” and “Nipple-Clamp” in the interweb-world so maybe we can get more suckers new visitors on the ole bait and switch gambit. Because that would be cheap.

AWESOMENESS UPDATE: This just in....Someone in Virginia wanted to know "How to Suntan your pubes" which of course brought them to Savants piece on baseball promotions. He knows how to draw em in, that's fo sho.

PK out.