Day 2

Day 2

Weight 252

Cup Size B+

Today was day 2 of the Couch to 5k challenge for me. After I posted last night I received support from probably the only two people that read this so thank you both. I was thinking about settling the language down a bit and spreading this around so it may happen early next week. Until then, I will continue on here.

First of all, I am changing the name. Couch to 5k is an iPhone app that I downloaded and didn't use since it is a 9 week training curriculum and i have 6 weeks before the big day. From now on, this will be called the "Fat to 5k". I was thinking of "Titty Buster" or "Scrote Buster" but they both were taken by Vivid Video.

For reference, the elliptical machine is much easier than actually running. After my mediocre start to this last night of two miles that was made mostly up of walking more than running, the machines at the gym gave me a good break while still working up a sweat. Ok, I was on the 6 incline but.......and I had the generic workout going but i assur..........AND THE OLD LADY NEXT TO ME WAS CALLING ME A PUSSY! OK WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? HIT HER IN THE TWAT?

Either way, glad I forced myself to go. Actually passed on happy hour with a few people to go to the gym which (not sure if you have met me) is hard for me to do. I have a few tests ahead of me this weekend which consists of meeting up with PK for a few and a Luau party tomorrow night where I am supposed to meet a friend's friend that "has a new set of honkers" as so gracefully said by her. I'll tell you one thing that the Mesquite area spit out.....sophistication.

I actually plan on writing here daily unless I move to the new blog.

Also, I question the credibility of this blog. I was going to put in a few labels for this post (which as you can see are quite sophisticated if I may say so myself) and when I typed in "poo" it brought up "poo clown suit". What. The. Hell. Is it odd that I want to read that post now? And also that I may be a bit aroused?

Poontathalon

Couch to 5k

Since apparently we aren't using this space for anything else, I am going to take you through my trek to complete a personal goal of mine. Running a 5k.
So it may not be a marathon but for my fat drinking ass, it's a start so don't you look down your nose at me. Dick.

What started this? Glad you asked. I recently went through a breakup with Ms. Poon that I took (and still taking) harder than I let on. I have been very lucky that I have some of the best people in my life that I could hope for. The last time I had a breakup I decided to drink through it and hope it went away. Well I did and that whore ended up having a kid with my ex best friend. Funny....she always wanted me to finish in hole #2. Point Poon.....holding serve.

Anyways this time I wanted to do something with my life so I decided to get my shit together. Eating decent, working out and maybe doing a little good for humanity while I'm at it. That's where the 5k comes in.

The 5k I am running in 6 weeks will donate it's proceeds to a children's charity. On top of that have made the effort to make those fuckers that laugh at me for doing this pay by betting me that I will not finish. So far I have two $20 bets. I would love nothing more than to drink this away, however, I am going to donate the money I raise from you all to charity. More than likely a children's charity of some sort.

I want to keep this blog up to date on my progress and the outcome. Yes I will throw some funny in here so it's not a blog that reads like My Sister's Keeper. Although it may have some children in it at some point. Like you don't think about it.

So far the training began tonight with running(ish) a mile and walking a mile. Legs are a little shaky but holding strong. Need to work on lung capacity for sure.

Stay tuned and if you want to donate leave a comment or email me. Bwantland81@yahoo.com

Pooncerely,

Poon


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Waimea St,Frisco,United States

Most Misquoted Movie Lines

To my humble minions. We aren't back by any means but we are smugly attempting to see if this works.

What started this.
Sitting alone at the hotel bar you hear many things.
"is that your real penis?"
"can I borrow some coke?"
"is that little girl yours? Can I borrow her for a bit?"

My big pet peeve I just realized is people stating their "favorite" line from a movie and grossly misquoting it. Example for tonight. "don't put baby in the corner."

Bitch.


Submit your most misquoted movie lines in the comments. Winner will get a quick slap in the face before being donkey punched. You're welcome fuckers.

Just Click the Second "Play" Icon and Enjoy....

http://www.theunticket.com/tcu-tribute-song-muser-mumblings/

hermaphrodite rebate
monkey pumpkin
AIDS uterus
horse seven-iron
pumpkin scrotum
billygoat tophat
scrotum deliverance
Danish handpuppet
ant three-pointer
bird switchblade
I’m a hot chick
super glue my penis
kangaroo seven iron
Hispanic elements
gay lizard
electric monkeypox
gay for people of my own opposite sex
placenta facial
buffalo printer
________
hippopotamus
gay and pregnant
neti pot
concrete tasty chicken
cat breath
billygoat instigator
crossstich parakeet
Jesus GPS
donkey machete
bisexual george

How the NFL Ruined Football......and My Life

No pictures and no funny title....no asshole not because we are not funny, because this is a serious post this week. Ok, we really aren't very funny and by this week I mean the second post this year. I'm such an overachiever.
Week three of college ball and week two of pro ball is almost in the books and what a season we have so far. I don't want to drone on about upsets, injuries or who you should start in your fantasy leagues mainly because I don't know and I'm not educated enough to form complete sentences about any of those topics. I do want to talk about something that I finally witnessed today that will ruin pro football for me.
Cable, satellite and U-verse users (AT&T plug. If you haven't already, please check it out and see if it's available in your area. www.att.com/uverse) welcome to the NFL RedZone channel. Yeah, the fucking NFL RedZone channel. Don't have NFL Sunday Ticket with DirecTV? No worries, this takes the place of all of the shitty parts of all of the games and lets you get to the meat of the games. Basically, the RedZone channel will cut to every game that is in the (guesses?........) RedZone. Hence the name dumbass. I expect more out of you. Couldn't even guess that right. Sounds great? Can't wait to get your remote next week to check it out? Not so fast young one.....
Pro's and Con's:
Pro - You can see every touchdown that is scored each week. They actually state that. That's fucking impressive. What happens if two games score at the same time? They will cut back and forth to let you see every significant play.
Con - You completely get sucked into this channel. I had two games on this morning, both good matchups and what did I do? I watched this channel through most of the day. I missed who knows how many great other plays that I would get a boner about. Big hits? Missed it. Did I see that 4th down stand? Nope, but I did see that insignificant 2 yard touchdown run.
Pro - It's in HD. HELL YEAH BITCHES!!! HD. Crystal clear picture for every game that is going on. I couldn't ask for more.
Con - What happens when there are no games in the redzone? Well, apparently they choose one of two options. They will switch to either game that I have locally playing like I can't already fucking see that, or they will switch to any game that includes a team that will in no means on God's green earth reach the playoffs.
Pro - Did I mention HD? Ok. Did you miss something during the day? Between 6 and 630 CST, they will replay all of the days touchdowns. Nicely done. Sometimes SportsCenter doesn't show exactly what I wanted out of some games and you have that covered. Well done sir.
Con - Not a ton of player stats. If you are looking for a recap of player stats for your fantasy leagues, this is not your place to be. Do like I did and have your laptop going with two windows open. One has Yahoo live streaming going and the other has ESPN live gamecast going. Loser. (looking into the mirror) WHY DON'T YOU PUT YOUR WHORE LIPSTICK ON YOU FILTHY WHORE! YEAH YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A DIRTY WHORE!

Overall what do I think? Why they hell can't you make a decision on your own? Get it or request it and check it out for yourself. Bitch.

What a wonderful day to hang myself....

(front door opens to a dark abandoned D&D headquarters)
Hello-o-o-----o--------o???
Anyone here?
Wow, the old office looks so sad these days.
(flicks light switch to reveal the distressed remains of the once prestigious HQ)
Oh, look at the rotting dog carcass! I remember when PK asphyxiated himself while pleasuring his anus when i was using it as a sock puppet.
And the hole in the bathroom stall when we tried to play who's wiener tastes worse after 2 seconds in a bloody asshole with the intern. Damn I miss those days. I wonder what the old crew is up to now?
Too bad this will be the last time that I look at this old place. It has come to my attention lately that I am so fucking cursed with this college football shit that I am bringing this disaster to and end. I had to watch Utah pull of that crap and I really don't want to hear them bitch for a year on how they deserve to be #1. Be thankful you are number 2 you British cigarettes!

Utah - you are why I am hanging myself.

And Oklahoma....why lose to Florida? Why? I hate hearing that God sucking mother fucker Tebow with his big tittied ass girlfriend say how great he is and how much he has done for society.

Oklahoma - you are why I am hanging myself.

Fox. Really? I heard your spare ass BCS crew tell me all game how much Tebow has meant to college football and how the Gaytors are destined to win.

Fox - you are why I am hanging myself.

Fiesta Bowl was a great game....if you do not hate Texas. Well I fucking do. I was upset that tOSU lost and I really think that I am a curse to Buckeye nation, but I would rather suck on Mark Mangino's underboob than have that Colt McCoy fuck-knuckle win another game.

Texas - you are why I am hanging myself.


Is it a bit much? Possibly. But after 8 months crying my bloody rectum to sleep after sucking dick and taking bribes for a quick shot from a rusty AIDS infested meth needle to the forehead while in rehab, why wouldn't I.

(the noose tosses above the doorway to the old office as I tighten it up to make sure I don't screw this up. I fit my head inside the noose and snug it to my neck. A mild erection occurs)

Well...didn't expect that. Fuck it, just jump off the stool and call it a day.

Ok, maybe one last quickie.

Savant: Dude, what the FUCK are you doing?!? Where have you been?

(Hairy Carray, Pork Chop U and PK follow Savant in the doorway)

I thought this was done? I thought we boarded the place up for good? I thought more than anything we realized we suck at this and ran out of material?

PK: Well we did. We were going to light ourselves on fire in here and burn down with the building.

Oh.....sorry to ruin that bag of fun.

Pork Chop: 3 BCS losses in a row really buried us too.

Hairy Carray: Hey Poon, why is your back to us?

Uh....no reason.....

PK: You have got to stop masturbaiting......

Poon: Why?



The end?

Lock the door behind you, Poon.

The Grand Old Lady - Boarded up. Sad, huh?

Memo: To all employees, fans, readers and haters, etc.

Subject: The future of down and distant

From: PK, Editor in Chief.

It saddens me to do this but I have been left with no real alternative. And no, Savant, turning this into a homosexual KISS fan match making service is NOT a real alternative. IT’S NOT.

I digress. It became clear that we needed a restructuring of our corporate culture, mission statement, contributor staff and even the building itself. We haven’t been living up to our end of the bargain in writing the blog. So we are taking a step back and reorganizing.

We are also going virtual. No more corporate offices, assigned parking spaces, executive wash rooms, full release massage stations in the lobby, and <> no more free Ben and Jerry’s in the cafeteria. All were too costly and way too distracting. To be honest though, I probably wouldn’t be making this kind of announcement if it hadn’t be for the tragic events of last week.

It was a normal Tuesday morning, Poon was just waking up on the couch in his office (as his wife still won’t let him in the house since the “Boston Cream Pie incident of 2006.”) when he heard a thunderous racket outside his office. He looked out through the mail slot to see PorkChop and Hairy Carrey dressed only in jock-straps and rollerblades dragging a burlap bag full of very angry badgers. They were screaming at the top of their lungs the destination of their feral cargo -- Savant’s assistant Tristen’s office. The distruction ended up being massive. Not only in the physical structure of the office building, but the morale and purpose of the organization.

It’s a wake up call for sure. Bottom line: We’re selling the building and all it’s contents. We’ll be attending a team building retreat in Pago Pago in hopes of repairing our fractured relationships. (except for HC. He has to stay back so he doesn’t miss his anal bleaching appointment…he’s almost done) The real work will need to be done between me and that VAG Poon. Don’t get me started.

When we return in a few weeks or so we’ll have a renewed vision and a real mission statement. We’ll probably have all the same contributors and most likely a couple more. We’ll have some weekly series to run as well. We will rise again.

Stay tuned.
PK

Note: Despite our break for vision, energy, and creative renewal, you'll be relieved to learn that Michigan will continue sucking, as always.