Friday, November 9, 2007

Dear Diary.........

Wow! What a day I had today. It started off like any other day I guess. My mom was yelling at me to get up and get my lazy ass out of bed. One day when I get a real job I am moving out of this place I swear. I'll prove them wrong. I'm going to be something great! Who the hell wakes up before 10am anyways?
After I got up and going, I broke out my Tom Brady poster with the eyes cut out and jizzed on his face again. Man, I miss the days before he got big and he let me do it in real life. That lucky bitch that he knocked up doesn't know how good she has it. The balls on that guy are amazing and he doesn't have one hair on his body. The fact that he bleaches makes it not only nice to look at, but sanitary to kiss. He is my lobster.
I was hungry so I went to McDonalds for my usual kid's meal with extra hot fudge to dip my fries in. I love that place, I just hate the fact that people are calling me names when I go there. What did I do wrong? The keep yelling "go fuck yourself!" "you suck!" "why don't you go get another job!" Kid's can be so cruel.
While I was ordering my second ice cream (I know I'm so bad, I can't help it) this group of really nice young ladies came up to me and asked me if I wanted to hang out with them for a while. I didn't have anything to do before Tiny Toons came on at 3, so I said why not.
We went to their house where there were probably 20 girls there. Boy were they pretty. It made me get rigamortis in my dingy. I guess they could see that and then decided that they should help me out with it. They must be nursing students because they seemed to know what they were doing. First, they gave me some medicine to calm me down. I think it was called Skol and it looked like water. It didn't taste good, but most medicine doesn't unless it's those delicious Flinstones chewables. Whatever it was calmed me down really fast. I think I might be allergic to it because it made me light headed.
After they could see that I calmed down, they removed my Nemo shirt, jeans and my Spongebob underoos. My yo-yo started to hurt so they brought over someone that I guess was the doctor. He was really nice. It must be his first time doing this procedure because they were video taping it. He started massaging it until the pressure released just like it did on my poster this morning. I guess I didn't know that this could happen with someone else's help.
The procedure was done and I was still light headed, so they said I should just walk home instead of ride my tri-kee. The whole time I was walking, people were laughing at me and yelling and throwing things. It made me cry so I started running as fast as I could. When I got home, mommy was so worried.
"Where the hell have you been? You know you aren't supposed to be out past 7 and it's almost 9! Where are your clothes!"
I didn't know the answer to any of them so I just started crying. She felt bad and put me into bed for the night and brought me some racecar shaped chicken nuggets to help me feel better. Well, I guess I better go to bed so I can wake up early tomorrow and stand on the grass for a few hours. I still don't know exactly what I'm supposed to do, but I think I'm getting the hang of it.



Mike Hart said...

Dammit coach. Why? Good thing I can carry this team on my back and don't need anyone, cuz you are a retard.

PK said...

Holy Shit. This is good example of why my mother doesn't know that we have a blog. Well done LLLLLLOYD you sick f.