Thursday, August 2, 2007

Who's Now

As much as I love me some ESPN, lately I have been highly disappointed with the hollow attempts to try to bring something funky and hip to those of us that repeatedly watch SportsCenter for hours at a time. Believe me, I would give righty to get Dan Patrick and Keith Olberman back on the same team in the mornings, but I have come to the realization that it will never happen and I’m ok with that.
What I’m not ok with is this Who’s Now crap.

“Who’s Now? More like Who’s watching this shit?”

I’ll wait for the applause to stop…….oh. Guess they never started for that one. Either way my humble followers filthy peasants chronic meat beaters, I would rather stick my dick in a porcupine’s ass than watch another second of this crap. This did get me thinking though about something that we might be able to do here at D&D. All day we have been sitting around dressed as our favorite Village People (I’m the cowboy!) and we have come down to the semi-finals of our Who’s More Gayer-ier Tournament. We have 4 different regions with contestants from TV, music, sports and religion. Here are the finalists.

The finalist from the “Bob Saget” region is Little Ricky Ricardo. Ouch, did I strike a nerve right off the bat? Have you known for us to care about your feelings? Then shut that glory hole of yours and keep reading. Everyone remembers when Lucy was working in the chocolate factory and shoved all that chocolate in her mouth because her and Ethel couldn’t keep up with how fast the belt was running. (season 2 episode 39 if you were wondering) Well, the episode where little Ricky tried to see how many hot dog wieners he could shove down his throat was somewhat the same, but not all that popular….especially for the time period we are talking about. I don’t know what sex move the “Babalu” is but if I don’t know it, it must be crazy. The awkward scene between him and Fred will not be discussed here…..even by me and that’s saying a lot. Move on Little Ricky…..move on.

Coming from the “Chinese Women’s Olympic Swim Team” region is John Amaechi. Yes, it might be the easiest pick for us to make it to the finals, but show me someone more deserving. This little ball-gagger was the first big time pro athlete to publicly come out of the closet. As much as I hate to say that this guy was a pro athlete (since I never heard of him until he came down with the gay) he did play pro ball and that’s more than I can say for myself. Can he beat me in a game of one-on-one…..yes. Can he throw me a little rusty trombone on birthdays and anniversaries? Yes! That’s why he won the bracket.

From the “What Exactly Does the ‘H’ Stand For” region is Zacchaeus. Yes he was a wee little man and a wee little man was he. There are photographs of him hanging out in a Sycamore tree too catch a quick glimpse of his man crush. When the two of their eyes met, it was magic. J said, “Come down from there. We should have dinner tonight. I’ll bring the wine.” Cheap bastard. He just brought water and changed it on the spot. Anyways, anyone that can sneak a peek of JC’s browneye gets votes from me. He’s in.

Finally, from the “Assless Chaps” region is Lori and Reba Shappell. Yeah I went there. You can’t tell me that for the first 35 years of their single lives that there wasn’t some crazy stuff going on. I mean that close to each other they must have messed around more than once. I will say that when you get them drunk they are quite the pair. I still hope that they will return my call. I feel so used. To the finals with you before I puke.

So in the semi (chuckle) finals we have Little Ricky Ricardo facing John Amaechi and Zacchaeus going head to head to head with Lori and Reba Shappell.

This is where we do a little audience participation… make the call. Who is going to move on from the regions? If nobody leaves comments, I will start replacing people in this list with real people that I know that read this blog daily. I will put your home address, cell phone number, first and last name and possibly your social security number. Not a threat, just a head’s up.

As P-Diddy said, “Vote or Die.”

After all that, I will still take Tiger Woods over Lebron James in the Who’s Now finale.

Poon’s Now


PK said...

I can't believe that Brian Boitano, Greg Loosanus, Brady Quinn and Peyton Manning got beat out by a hack round-baller. (tee hee) Must have been based on height if you know what I mean.

My money is on Amaechi to give the open handed slap and squeal to Lil Ricky. He's then kick those bitches ass...or kick that bitch asses....bitches asses. Fuck it. He wins.

Anonymous said...

You are a sorry piece of shit. How can you throw those innocent people in there for no reason.
Little Ricky and the 2 headed dragon in the finals. Just saying.