Saturday, July 28, 2007

Needling Barry

Here at D and D we hold ourselves to the highest standards of journalistic ethics. While blogsters and the mainstream media have had a field day with tragic stories involving Barry Bonds, Michael Vick, and allegedly crooked NBA officials, we have maintained that, like all Americans, these citizens are innocent until proven guilty. That being said, Barry Bonds is a cheatin’, no good, needle stickin, clear and cream usin’ lying piece of shit. He couldn’t carry Hammerin’ Hank’s jock strap. Hell, the only thing that douche bag hasn’t hammered is the backside of his personal trainer, Greg Anderson, who is doing hard time in the pokey for covering Barry’s needle scarred ass.

Oh, I can hear you bleeding heart liberal Hilary lickin’ Osama humpin’ cry babies right now.

“Oh, Hairy, that’s not fair. You have no proof.”

“Oh, Hairy, this is another case of keeping the black man down.”

“Oh, Hairy, you are just pissed because the Cubs have gone 99 years without winning the World Series and the Marlins have already won two.”

OK. That Marlins thing does burn my ass. But the rest of it is just plain horseshit. Want proof. Here goes.

I was at the first annual Anna Nicole Smith Memorial Trailer Park’s Flea Market Extravaganza, and let me tell you, it was a fine sale. I plunked down twelve dollars for a lot of seven shoe boxes full of baseball cards, Garbage Pail Kids cards, and pop tabs (the pop tabs I will send to little Billy Spchinctal, who needs 10,000 more tabs to qualify for a kidney transplant). Over the last few weeks I have been sorting through my cards, and along with a Buddy Biancalana World Series action card, I found damning proof that Mr. Barry Lamar Bonds is a juicer. Feast your eyes on this, sports fans, and tell Hairy that Mr. Bonds hasn’t done more juicin’ than a hooker with a cleft palate.

Wake up, you head in the sand namby-pamby nipple suckers! I implore you, when Barry Bonds steps to the plate in his quest to surpass the rightful king of the round-trippers, all Americans should stand at the ready, hands on their commodes, so when this cheatin’ piece of shit hits #756, they can flush their toilets, sending a resounding message that we don’t give a shit about Mr. Barry Bonds. Nuff said.


PK said...

Little Billy Spchinctal is an attention sucking faker. He's just collecting the pop-tops hoping to get enough attention to get a free "make a wish" trip to DollyWorld. Douche.

Oh, Barry Bonds can suck it.

Michael Vick said...

Yeah - Bonds IS an asshole!!

Peta Peta Pumpkin Eta said...

I knew that both of you black bastards were in this dog fighting ring together. Oh, do I have you now Mr. Bonds. Guilty by association...and that enormous needle grown head that you have. Taking all that 'roid rage out on dogs.....for shame