Not in a gay way, but more in a caressing my underboob kind of way. Of course this is going out to my brothers from Columbus and fellow D&D contributors. It was a hell of a weekend filled with blackouts, minivans and a whole lot of anal.......retentive guys correcting each others vocabulary. After returning to Dallas, balls swelled and 15 additional pounds of water weight (water used loosely), I realized that I have to get my shit together.
No it's not the fact that I realized that I could never be a star in a midget western, but the pure shitty feeling I have had all week. Would I trade it? Fuck your mother......and no I wouldn't. I would go back right now and destroy anything close to a liver that I may have left in a heartbeat. That is an open invitation for someone to buy me a ticket, FYI.
What do I do about this? Well, I sit around on the last day of November and have a nice drink and think of the stupidest fucking thing I could ever imagine. Next I write that down and sign this so called contract so that I have to abide by it. Before I get to the meat of this taint, let me tell you how I believe that I came to this.
During the first day/night/morning in Columbus, I had a few too many and maybe muttered something that I do not remember such as "Why you gotta call me out like that?" Memory FAIL. Retelling that story when I returned back to Dallas arose the question, "How much whiskey had you had by that time?"
"Oh, I didn't drink any whiskey. Just beer and some vodka on the plane."
Hmm....funny because in multiple pictures I am seen with a tall glass of a dark substance which I can only assume is bourbon and coke or whiskey and coke. This has since been validated by PK. Thanks......dick.
So let it be known that from this day forth during the month of December in the year of our Santa Jesus 2010, Poon shalln't consume the following until the fortnight is nigh upon us. I don't know what the fuck a fortnight is, so let's just say until January 1st, 2011.
1. No red meat
2. No bourbon
3. No whiskey
Bring on the meth bitches.
Declaration of IndePOONdence