DAMMIT! You kids get off my lawn!

I’m getting more than a little worn out at hearing the following. “Why are there any Big-10 teams in the BCS in the first place? All they do is schedule ultra shitty teams in their pre-conference schedule and then they play in a pussy conference.” Or something like that. I’ve heard this more times lately than Poon has heard ‘Please Mister, just pay me, put the gun away, and let me get back under the bridge where you found me.’ Oh sure, this time it’s directed at Ohio State, so that has something to do with my ire.

Let me stipulate a few of items ‘ere I go into this moderately thought out, jingoistic, semi-literate and snide rant.

1. I know the Big-10 is a weak conference. I think some of the other top-tier conferences are over-rated, but to be sure the Big 10 is the Meek of the Midwest this year and maybe for the last couple campaigns.

2. You’ve got to play your conference schedule, good or bad. That’s it. So if the SEC’s top five is better than the Pac-10 top five, who cares? You have to play the schedule in front of you. Every conference will have some better years than others. By the way, who wouldn’t look forward to a six-team play-off to figure out who’s better between the middlings of the big conferences? UNC, Colorado, Iowa, Arizona, Alabama and Rutgers.

3. Everybody plays the same amount of regular season games. The only difference is that some conferences have a post-season championship. Pac10 and Big 10 notable exceptions. The Big East has only 8 teams so that allows WVU to go schedule another 5th patsy. So 6 teams in the final BCS and AP polls played 13 games prior to Bowl Season, all the rest played 12. It only seems like everyone played a lot more because of starting the season later or bye weeks.

Having said all that, it comes down to the out-of-conference games a teams schedules. Right? Right. It’s my rant so you're agreeing with me for now. Let’s take a look at the out of conference schedule for the teams in the top 5 in the BCS final ranking. Number six didn’t even get invited to one of the 10 BCS bowl slots.

I’ll start with The Ohio State University to be fair. When Washington was scheduled they might have been good and they are a Pac-10 team, but this year they sucked Orca penis. So I agree when the Youngstown, Akron, Washington and Northwestern string was dubbed YAWN. This schedule must be the worst, huh? Not so fast, mother licker.

LSU: 11-2. Two losses to unranked teams, but they did lay the wood to teams from the Sunbelt, C-USA and WAC by combined score of 136-19. Not a strong group. To their credit they did play and kill VaTech early. (What? I meant the score, it was 48-7, jeesh)

Speaking of Virginia Tech, there’s the aforementioned carnage. (What? I meant the score, it was 48-7, jeesh) The Hokies also play some brutes from C-USA, MAC and 1-AA power William and Mary. (3-1 with a combined score, 96-65)

Oklahoma: (By the way, thanks to OU by the way for the assist.) OU didn’t fall into the trap of inviting a 1-AA squad to Norman for a blood letting but they did have North Texas sans Mean Joe come up and play. Add to that ACC, Mountain West and C-USA. A whopping 246 – 47.

Georgia: An early loss to the Cocks mars the Bulldogs out-of-conference schedule but they regrouped against 1-AA Western Carolina. Add to these they played the Big 12 and another ACC team. Aside from WCU, not bad.

My point here is simply this. Every good team schedules shitty teams to demolish. That’s the way it’s done. Sometimes the Appy State wins, most of the time they don’t. These examples are just for this year. Next year Ohio State has USC at their dojo. LSU adds North Texas and Troy. As someone famous once said, “I’m tired, tired, tired” of this judging of teams based on their out-of-conference schedule.

So to the drooling, mouth breathing, Ned Beatty Taint Tickling, Washer/Dryer on the front porch, double-headed douchebag that got me going this morning on the radio, bite me.