Happy Saturday you little shit-fuckers! As much as I love each and every one of you, I sincerely hope that you are spending this glorious day being productive and enjoying time with your loved ones. Actually, I hope you are hungover and spray-shitting your newly cleaned toilet in between beers.
Whitney Houston is being laid to rest today which for me is bittersweet. Bitter because I don't think that I'm in her will although we had that fling back in 1987. Sweet because I know she is in a better place than her normal bathroom stall knee-high into cocaine and meth. Godspeed Whitney.
Of all of the famous Whitney's that I know, I suppose I wanted her to die the least. Why can't Whitney Cummings have a coke problem? Why doesn't Bobby Brown stop producing makeup and start beating her ass? I mean have you seen her show.......her standup...........a picture............ever heard her name? Irrelevant. She sucks. If I had to choose between watching her TV show or the Reba show there is no doubt in my mind that I would immediately throw a brick at my TV and use the shards of glass to cut off my dick and choke myself to death with it. That actually doesn't sound all that bad honestly.
Don't judge me.
Blow it in my face,