Wednesday, October 24, 2007

You really need to stop masturbating.


We've been great stewards of the company time lately. Really keeping the nose to the grindstone. Not buying it? Don't blame you. What we've actually be doing is adding alternate punchlines to the old joke. A guy goes to the doctor, and the doctor says "You really need to stop masturbating" the guys says "Why?" And the doctor says because you are freaking out the other people in the waiting room." Here are some of the ones we've come up. Please stop masturbating and add your own in the comment section, Jag Off!


You really need to stop masturbating.


Why?

Because you are distracting JonBenet from her dance practice.
Because you chipped one of my teeth with your class ring.
Because Grandpa needs his colostomy bag back.
Because the microwave timer went off - your baby is done.
Because the cripple needs to shut her mouth to chew.
Because there are kids waiting to sit on Santa's lap, too!!

Listn, yu hve gt stop mstrbatng!......

Why?

bcuz i cnt type wit both thums up yur ass


Because Professor Hawking’s hair is getting matted.
Because you have to lock up the Gimp before Zed gets back.
Because, Coach Kryziewski, the TV time-out is just about over.
Because, the clown suit is a rental.
Because you’ve filled all the doughnuts.

You really need to stop masturbating.

Why?

Because the coroner is due back from lunch soon.
That’s NOT your penis!
Because I’m trying to fasten your seat belt, Captain Lerdon.
Because I’ll never be able to trust the cottage cheese again.
Because your cigarette is about to light your SpongeBob pillowcase on fire.
Because this is not considered an appropriate best-man speech.

You really need to stop masturbating.

Why?

Because Kaptain Kangaroo says you are creeping out the Dancing Bear.
Because, Holy Father, the Pope-mobile is see-through.
MOM!
Because we're going to have to squeegee-off the boy's bubble again.
Because my grandmother hasn't worn those panties in 6 years.
Now your turn, McFisty

12 comments:

Dr. Jellyfinger said...

...because I'm going to perform a procedure called "milking the prostate" and you've already donated 14 times this week!

Anonymous said...

Because it's just a Billy Squire song, not a mandate.

PK said...

Because that TSA agent is staring right at you.

poon4life said...

...because you are going to ruin Stuart Scott's good eye if you blow in it again.

poon4life said...

....because I'm tired of watching Kid's Incorporated reruns with you.

poon4life said...

...because Roots has gone to a commercial.

poon4life said...

...because Eugene Armstrong's body is starting to get cold.

Buffalo Bill said...

Because it puts the lotion in the basket. It does this when it is told or it gets the hose.

Hannibal Lecter said...

Because Multiple Miggs thinks it's a food fight!

Savant said...

Because the patient is waking up, Doctor.

Darla said...

because it's getting sticky in the sandbox

HIckory's Dickory said...

I said go tinker with your CLOCK!