Note to Staff: Add fake internet porn portal to make sure nobody willingly clicks away from d & d. Ever.
…now, on to our professional opinion on several current events…
OJ Simpson - No redeeming human qualities what-so-ever. We can forgive the wife murdering, but dating white women and stealing sports memorabilia? At least he never got over on the Buckeyes (27-16 Rose Bowl Winners in 1969).
Britney Spears - Wow. Too easy.
International Talk Like a Pirate Day - Outstanding. Of course the challenge is to opine about this without using traditional pirate talk (that would be too over-the-top…even for d & d). The only thing better than International Talk Like a Pirate Day would be International Dress Like a Pirate Day (especially if you can pull-off the Kent Tekulve look). On second thought, getting blood out of a clown suit is tough enough - maybe this is a bad idea .
Gay Sex in Bathroom Stalls - OK, we understand this is hot, but it's so unhygienic (I mean, come on…"eewww"). Larry Craig may like hot, sweaty man sex, but just say no to "in the can" sex…wait, what we meant to say is…oh forget it. Get a room already.
Michigan Football - Still sucks, but not as bad as Notre Dame. Several staffers barely passed Philosophy 150 (symbolic logic), but we feel confident in offering the following proof:
1. Appalachian State sucks
2. Appalachian State beat Michigan
3. Michigan beat Notre Dame
Therefore…Appalachian State sucks, Michigan swallows, and Notre dame takes it in the arse.
Note: d & d would like to thank the brilliant young minds of West Virginia University - circa 1998 - for demonstrating that proof (albeit with different schools) on a bed sheet hanging off the front porch of a house on campus.
Now get back to pretending to work and stay tuned for more pop culture updates...
Savant Out (not that kind of out, just logging off....not that way.....I mean.....fuck it. Later)