How To Do New Orleans - d&d Style

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Please Don't Let Football Season End.....We'll Never Post

It's been a while my humble followers. Since my last post we have been through a roller coaster of events. The Redskins made it into the playoffs and promptly lost. My beloved Buckeyes continued their community service by losing again to the SEC. Along with the D&D crew and friends, the city of New Orleans went through a party that it might never recover from. Ok, I can give a little credit to Katrina, but I like to take the credit when I can. Just last night the Cowboys went through yet another one and done in the playoffs. I have since dubbed the pro bowl quarterback of the Cowboys Tony Rom-0 for 2. If I used all of my evil for good, I might not be the heartless shit that I am today.
I went out with PK and crew to catch a couple of drinks and get rid of the shakes from the night before. In doing so, I managed to get fairly drunk. *GASP* I know it's hard to believe but it's true. I left about 1030 with all intentions of going home and going straight to bed. Well, those closest to me know that I have a little game that I like to play the morning after I go drinking. If all works well, this will be the beginning of a series that I am going to start on here called.....

WHAT WAS POON LISTENING TO AND HOW LOUD WAS HE LISTENING TO IT!!!!
I woke up this morning with a table full of empty Taco Bueno boxes with a receipt for a nacho salad, soft taco and a crunchy potato burrito. When I strolled out to the car I turned on the ignition this is what I got.

Artist: Rihanna
Title: Umbrella
Volume: 22
Phone Log:
A. M. (initials to cover for them) 10:39 p.m. duration:1:03 (I suspect a voicemail)

Text Messages:
yes.......that's all I will say is yes. 7 of them between 10:31 and 10:58

Final Words:
Fairly tame night apparently. Only one call and no great texts to report. I do wonder why Rihanna was playing. It's on a cd, too.

I really can't wait to report after a good 3 a.m. night when I have Freebird playing at 40 with a used rubber in the floorboard and me asleep in the backseat. Don't look at me like that. I'm not the only one.......am I? Suck it.

Poon

Savant's BCS Championship Preview

The Buckeye Charter arrives in NoLA

Well, not entirely unlike a bad herpes outbreak, the Buckeyes are BACK…in the BCS National Championship Game. This year, OSU must beat the LSU Tigers if I'm going to spend another 4-figure amount on national champs gear. Fortunately, for my pocketbook, that is NOT going to happen. I have been contemplating this game since the pairing was announced and I have come to just a couple conclusions:
1. The game WILL be closer than the 27 point beat-down the Bucks absorbed last year, but...
2. …it WON"T be close enough.

History shows us a couple things that are relevant to the outcome of this game.
First, no team has choked-away (OK - just plain "lost" on some occasions) more national title opportunities in football over the last 40 years than my Buckeyes. Wins in any of these game would have given OSU a national championship:

'69 @ Michigan,
'71 Rose Bowl vs. Stanford,
'76 Rose Bowl vs. UCLA,
'80 Rose Bowl vs. USC,
and '06 BCS Game vs. Florida.

Also, victories in any of these games would have propelled OSU to either a title game invitation or put it on the door step:

'73 @ Michigan,
'74 Michigan State,
'95 @ Michigan,
'96 Michigan,
'97 @ Michigan,
'98 Michigan State, and
'03 @ Michigan.

If you consider the 2 unanimous titles (won in '68 and '02), then OSU is 2-12 when given a football national championship opportunity.


Second, OSU's bowl record vs. the SEC is a dismal 0-8, with book-end blowouts ('78 Sugar Bowl loss to Alabama and '06 BCS meltdown vs. the Gators). In addition to those losses to the Tide and Gators, OSU has lost to Auburn, Georgia, Tennessee, South Carolina (twice), with another loss to Alabama thrown-in for good measure.


Third, in recent years, LSU has been unstoppable in the Superdome posting an excellent 3-0 mark in Sugar Bowl victories against Illinois (47-34 in '02), Oklahoma (21-14 in '04), and Notre Dame (41-14 in '07).


So the aforementioned historical record - coupled with the fact that LSU will be healthy (Dorsey expected to be 100%) and playing in front of a very partisan crowd - leads me to my official prediction………which will be revealed at the end of this post.
In order to be objective, I think it's necessary to list a few keys to a Buckeye Victory. Do I think OSU CAN win? Yes - if the Bucks can play the best game they've played in a very long time. Just three of the many things OSU MUST do to have a chance in this thing:


1. Tackle in space - LSU's speed at the skill positions will overwhelm OSU IF tackles are missed which allow for extra yards or big plays.

2. Run north - Bucks must be able to attack LSU and run between the tackles as Beanie will NOT be able to turn the corner on the LSU D.

3. Secure the ball - especially on special teams and in the passing game. Boeckman can't throw picks in this one.


Having written all of that, I think it will be close until the end.


Put me down for:
LSU 30
OSU 17

My name is Buckeye Savant and my team knows how to finish second!


War Silver Medal.

Savant. Sad. Bodypainter.

Out.

You Can't Spell BCS Without BS....Or Can You?

We sat there watching nervously
As the teams were slowly picked.
I am getting tired of Lou Holtz
And those other dickless pricks.

"First game is USC and Illinois"
They triumphantly announced.
"I hate those Goddamn fags" I said
"I hope their ass gets pounced!"

The Hooters waitress said I was drunk
And my beer would soon be cut.
I shot her the middle finger
And then threw up on her pregnant gut.

"Are you kidding me for the late game?"
Hawaii and Georgia were the teams.
"I don't give two shits if you haven't lost
And the Bulldogs? Nigga pleeeze!"

Since drinking in Mesquite for years
I've picked up on M-town schemes.
You don't drive down Lawson after dark
And Nigga you just don't scream.

"Oklahoma and WVU are next"
Some random TV black man said.
At that point I was promptly struck
A Nigga had hit me in the head.

I tried so hard to see the teams
Of which the bowl games would show.
I caught VaTech and Kansas
In the midst of the black man's blows.

I assume he suddenly got tired
Since the pummeling had stopped.
I got back on my barstool
And another top I popped.

Would we really do it?
Would the Buckeyes go again?
"The championship game is Ohio State/LSU"
"FUCKIN' A WE'RE IN!!!"

Today there were talks of playoffs
And the hatred of the BCS.
Mizzou got the hose, I'll say
So did some of the rest.

There were some that were left out
And for them, I feel some shame.
But fuck 'em all I'M A BUCKEYE
AND WE'RE GOING TO THE GAME!!!!

GO BUCKS!!!!!

Poon

NO!

LLLLLoyd Throws in the towel today. Bon Chance Mon Ami.

Please say you're just kidding. We love you LLLLLLLOYD. Please stay. We promise we'll let you win once in a while. Don't be like that. It's us, not you. You've done nothing wrong.

What? Who said the game has passed you by??? We'll kick their ass.

DON'T GO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Sniff.

PK down and out.

I know what your thinkin'

I’m sitting idly by, as the clock crawls toward the kick off of the next “trap game” for the Buckeyes. The Illini lay in wait to jam a thumb right the Buckeye's poop-hole eye, just to take the gild off the lily that is the Ohio State/Michigan game. Michigan is trying to do their part right now by being down to Wisconsin late in the game.

Anyway, as the nerves become more frayed I believe I need to take the edge off, ease the mind so to speak. Who better to help with that than Old Greg?



Ok, I know it doesn’t have a bit to do with anything but don’t you feel less anxious after seeing a scaly man-fish’s mangina? Make an assessment!

It’s Ole PK out


I know many of our readers have seen this, but WTF? You got something better to do? Bite me.

College Football is good, exciting

IndyBuckeye took time away from reading case histories about Taiwanese trannies in a dark corner of his law office to post this comment on the last d and d post. “Got dam Buckeyes have been #1 for almost 24 hours now and nothing. Nice Blog. Get off your asses.”

Oh puhlease, like I’m going to fall for that shit. Do I look like the kind of maroon that will hurry up and post something just because he gets a little heat from our reader? I think not. I was planning on putting something up here today anyway.

So the Buckeyes are number 1 in the first installment of the BCS rankings. I should probably begin by saying how I think the Buckeyes are over-rated and got there by just not losing to push-over patsies like many of the 11 teams that were ranked ahead of them at the start of the campaign. I should also say that South Florida is probably a better pick to be #1 with more quality victories over ranked teams (when they played and now). But I won’t.

Based on how this season is rolling there will be 3 more different number 1 teams before the bowl series is solidified. It’s been one of, if not the best, college football seasons in memory with huge upsets every week. This season, being number one is a temporary ailment. With trips to State Penn and The Whore and visits from Illannoy and Wishconsin, the Buckeyes could easily be the next to cede the top spot to the next victim. In this case the South Florida Somethings. Alligator Anuses?

Ok, now having said all that. The GD Buckeyes are number 1 bitches. New Orleans here we come.

PK, schizo and out.

"in triumph doth wave"

On the eve of Flag Day it’s time to turn our eyes and hearts to what’s really important. Let’s put our hands over our hearts and remember that it’s only 76 days until the kick-off of Ohio State football. I know. Holy Shit. That’s barely a red coochie hair over 2 months.

I saw St. Tressel on the tube last night sitting next to Jim Brown at the Cavs wake. It made me so horny for football. Pretty soon we’ll have NFL training camps starting, which will at least give us something. Kinda like giving a jonesing cocaine freak a Mountain Dew, but it’s something. Then we get the full slate of NCAA football at the end of August.

Here’s a taste of what you can expect here at DaD during the football season. There’s this little college football quickie about Meatchickin State's new uniforms. I didn’t see any mention in the story about the wide yellow stripe sewn in the back of the jerseys. ZING. ZOWIE. (ED: We hope you smart, savvy and sexy readers will keep reading Down and Distant anyway.)

I’m heading out right now to see if Street and Smiths College Preview is out yet.

Blue 32, Blue 32, PK Out.