Thursday, January 24, 2008

How To Do New Orleans - d&d Style

Let me just start off by saying if you're going to lose a bowl game - even a national championship - New Orleans is the place in which to do it! Most of our staff went on a recent road trip bender to "The Crescent City" and we'd like to offer some advice on how to get your New Orleans "on."

WHEN TO PUKE? Although there are varying opinions on this, Savant feels very strongly that vomiting on the FIRST night is a great start. After all, you're going to be drinking (heavily, I might add) for several days so why not get it out of the way right off the bat? If you're really hammered to the extent that you'll be done for the night post-puke, then there are several added benefits - such as saving lots of cash for an eye-opener the following morning and, by passing-out, providing your friends with a great photo-op.

WHEN TO HAVE SEX? The obvious answer is early and often. That aside, we recommend having sex in a shared hotel room while other (i.e. less-randy) d&d staffers sleep. Don't worry if they have one eye open, that's just how they roll. Bonus points for having sex (any kind really - hetero is fine, but whatever) with a d&d staffer…I mean not "with", but rather alongside. Otherwise our HR department would have a fit. Anyway, sex…YES.

SHOULD I BUY A T-SHIRT? Opinions vary, but we'll go with yes. This should be an easy task as tees will be readily available. Favorites include: "I got Bourbon-Faced on Shit Street" and the ever-popular "Things to Do with a P*ssy (shave, party, pet, lick etc.)."

WHAT SHOULD I EAT? Well, aside from puss├žois (see above), you'll be treated to a wide-variety of great food. Mostly fried seafood with some type of sauce or jambalaya. Good stuff. Typically, food makes d&d staffers sick, but on this trip, I'm willing to bet it was that asshole Pat O’Brien and his devil’s urine Hurricanes.

BALCONY OR NO BALCONY? Tough call, really. You know the balconies in question, from which thousands of pounds of beads are hurled annually? Boobies shown to and from these beauties. So why is it a tough call? These perches are either more crowded that Hairy Carreys front porch on “free-hand job Wednesdays” or they are tres expensive to rent for your private shindig. UNLESS your wife is like the lovely and talented Mrs. PK and can string together greatness. In as long as it takes Indy Buckeye to login to when his wife goes to bed, with kind words and a winning smile, Mrs. PK secured our entire traveling party to our own private balcony complete with bartender and a GLORIOUSLY clean bathroom for two nights. In this case, YES to balconies.

SHOULD I GAMBLE? Uhhhhh? Is there a real casino right across from your hotel? Then YES! Turd-Burglar.

Savant with the Punt and Pass.
PK a kick

Both OUT.

1 comment:

poon4life said...

When did you guys go to New Orleans? Oh wait. The "Sex Acts" sign is bringing back memories. Remember that big black posse moving around in the streets? Wait I think I misspelled that.