NFL Draft: 1st Round Coverage Wrap-Up

We do hope you've enjoyed our wall to wall coverage of the first round picks of the Cowboys and Redskins in the NFL draft for 2011. You may have noticed that we also threw in 2 (two!) coverage entries of the first pick of the first round. This is coverage that you get nowhere else, folks. Don't even try to find it anywhere else.

At this point, you are falling all over yourself to find the "Donate Now" link. Don't bother. We only take cash payments in dirty, thrice used envelopes under bathroom stalls.

Props to Poon to getting the Twitter feed to work. This man will stop at nothing to slowly inch Down and Distant into the bung hole of your social network consciousness like a reluctant prison bunkmate whilst sleeping.

Yours in Christ,
The Pickled Mick.

Cowboys #9... er... yeah, #9 Pick

Clearly the best pick of the draft! This fills EVERY need the Cowboys EVER had in the history of the franchise.

Name: Tyron Smith/ OT
School: USC

Skill Set: This guy clearly has better/faster hands than I do and can hit infinately harder. He runs the 40 faster than your average twenty-something and would likely anchor your team in your 4th of July back yard tug-o-war contest. Clearly better than 99% of the population of the United States at American Football, he now can say he makes more money than them, as well.

In the room: Will be shy at first, not wanting to shower in front of the professional boys. Gentle handling in the shower will bring him out of his shell. Other than that, should be a good room guy, unless he isn't.

General IQ: This guy is the smartest around when singing selections from Gerardos 1991 hit album "Mo Ritmo" by himself into a hairbrush alone in his bedroom room wearing nothing but a pair of tejano style cowboy boots.

Going at #9 in the draft suits him well. So well, in fact, that I expect him to wear that number next season, if it isn't taken.

Checking In...

I'm punching my D&D timecard to check in for tonight, this night of the draft. I bring to the table a vast lack of knowledge regarding college football players and I hope I get more entertaining as the drinks flow. As it stands, I've only had three beers.

1st Pick: Cam Newton and his pink tie, forever cementing his legacy as a bust, no matter what level of mediocrity he rises to in the NFL.

If this holds my interest (and I don't switch to basketball or porn), I will check back in.

Clocking out, biznatches, I'm on my break.