My Yearly Prayer

For those of you lucky enough to follow me from the old "A Day in the Life Of..." blog, then I'm sure you have many memories with me.  My near meltdown with my ex-fiance that I for some reason made public, raging alcoholism, rambling on about an All-Star game Home Run Derby contest, late night posts while sitting alone in my one bedroom apartment on the cusp of another whiskey bender......Jesus how did I keep from offing myself?

Anyways, speaking of Jesus there is one thing from the old blog that I never stopped doing.  It is my yearly prayer.  I haven't made it public on here since I last did it on the old blog five years ago, but I think I am at a point that I need to put it here for the world to see.  Enjoy.

Hey Jesus, you there?  Hello?  I'm not sure why I always get your answering machine but it's frustrating me.  Anyways, I hope you are doing well and I think about you a lot.  Especially when I need something or when I'm upset.  That's just the way it works.  Sorry.

So I remember when you sent me that picture of you at the Spurs game a few years ago and I lol'd about it non-stop.  You were always crazy and I hope you haven't lost that.  I do have some concerns about your well-being though.  The Spurs lost and you let Miami make it to the Finals.  Is everything ok?  I know we aren't talking like we used to, but if you want to get together and talk I'm here for you.  Just because we aren't in the same relationship we used to be doesn't mean I don't care.  I do.  A lot.  Especially when the FUCKING SPURS AND CELTICS LOST AND THE FUCKING THUNDER AND HEAT ARE IN THE FINALS!!!!!

Sorry.  Just a bunch of emotions built up.  I mean I haven't forgiven you for stuff that happened in the past like LSU beating tOSU and the back to back World Series losses for the Rangers, but I hold out hope that you are going to prove to me that you are still the same as when I met you.  I think you are.....no.....I KNOW you are.  There is something that is just causing you distress.

I really hope that you can talk to me and we can work through this.  For you.....not for me.  Because at this point we are really in a lose/lose situation.  Either OKC or Miami has to win this thing, right?  Unless you have something really awesome up your sleeve.  If you do, please talk to me so I know you are ok.

Call me maybe?

Poon

This Year is Different.....wait is that already taken?

Foo Fighters playlist and Sprite with my vodka.
Late night of drinking pre-Dominicana.
Cranking on airplanes and PK in bleans,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When a dog farts,
When my pee stings.
When YOLO makes Pickled Mick mad.
I remember that these are my favorite things
And then I just feeeeeeel soooooooo raaaaaaaaaadd!

So it begins. Well it actually began last night, but either way we are on our trip to see two of the most awesome people that we know get hitched. Although we are only halfway through 2012, this has been one shitfuckawesomeass of a year. To top it all off, it's only getting better. I haven't looked forward to a year like this in a long time. And I'm not talking from the heart of D&D but personally. D&D wise, it has been a hell of a year as well. Launched what may be the most profitable podcast of all time that now has followers all over the world. Porn bots or no, it registers so that counts.

I think for the past few years I have said that it was the year of the Poon. This may be the year I finally live up to my expectations.....and not a goddamn second too soon.

You know what this is not the year of? Russell Fucking Westbrook. You heard me right, Goat. This is not the year. I have come to the point that I am so against him, I have found myself rooting for not only San Antonio, but anyone that is not OKC. And man that hurts my anus having to do that. I mean like really hurt. Not that kind of "what did I do Friday night" kind of hurt, like "man I'm glad that guy only had three fingers on his left hand" kind of hurt.

Oh boo hoo Oklahoma. Oh you've been die hard fans for so long? Eat shit. "Thunder Up"? If one person from that trailer park state can explain that to me in something other than Otoe language then I'll believe it. You don't know what it means and neither does anyone else. Die.

When I was with C and I went to OK for the first time, she tried to sell me on that state with two points:
1. They invented the parking meter
2. Garth Brooks is from there

WELL GODDAMN FUCK ME! SERIOUSLY? JESUS TITS, I'M SOLD!

If she just would have included that Toby Keith is from there too, I would have turned the car around, kicked her in the cunt in the direction of the nearest truckstop, lit a cigarette and flicked it in the closest patch of dry grass and watched as that shithole state burned in my rear view.

After more than an hour and a half on this flight, we are finally served drinks and I have never been more excited to get a $5 shot of vodka in my life. Will keep you posted throughout the week via twitter.

@downanddistant
@poon4life

Never let me slip cause if I slip then I'm slippin'

Poon

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Damn I'm High

10,000 feet in the air and listening to Bush makes me think of nothing else than my fellow hooligans at D&D. We have been slacking on not only the podcast but on the website as a whole. What do you suggest we do? Shut it down? Make more of an effort? Let's take a few questions from our readers.

Q. Hey why don't you faggots try loading Tuesday or Die on Tuesday instead of Wednesday or never. By the way has the new issue of Coal Miner Weekly come in yet?

A. There are certain logistics that come along with launching a worldwide phenomenon podcast like we have. There have been technical issues with the RSS feed as well as scheduling conflicts. If you dicks would pay us for this then we could dedicate more time to entertaining you. Oh and what the hell is Coal Miner Weekly? We do have the new issues of Cold Minor Weekly but The Pickled Mick isn't done "warming them up".


Q. Have any of you ever realized that all of your names start with "P"?

A. Yes. They also end with a silent "get a fucking life".


Q. My girlfriend is thinking that she wants to move our relationship to the next level and I don't know if I'm ready. What should I do?

A. Not sure how this helps us but here we go. Unless she is talking about moving her apartment to a higher floor, bail. If you are unsure now then you know damn well you're just trying to hold out for a better piece than you have in front of you. If she is thinking about moving to a higher floor, then approve and keep on rolling sir. She decorates better than you and her place is cleaner anyways. Believe me I know.


Q. Will you ever write anything relevant to sports or anything funny like when you guys had "The Penalty Kill" and "A Day in the Life Of"?

A. Holy shit why do you remember those sites? No and please stop glaring at me through my window.


Q. You know I've been inside of your mom?

A. At this point I just assume yes. Who hasn't?


Q. Ever thought about it?

A. Yes.


Q. If you recorded a podcast in the air and your plane went down right now, would anyone hear it?

A. To both accounts no. Although I am pleased hearing us banter about nonsense, I assume I am in the minority. And where I am I the air, only the havalena between El Paso and Midland would hear the boom.


Q. Can't you guys just die and let me have my time on the twitter feed back?

A. Oh! Thanks for being a follower of @downanddistant. Keep on not responding and we will keep giving you the nothing you deserve.


Q. Three part question. PK - hange or fooje? Poon - will you ever stop being a whore? Pickled Mick - will you ever write another article?

A. Christ keep the gloves up. Answers. Depends on if giving or receiving.....either way fooje. No if your mom or your mouth have anything to do with it. Depends on if I get any support on this f-ing thing. Can't carry these guys on my own.


Q. Andy Kaufman, Drew Carey, Larry David. Marry one, kill one, f one. GO!

A. You are demented. Marry Carey, kill Kaufman (he isn't dead btw), f David.


Thanks for your submissions. Leave any additional questions in the comments or on twitter @downanddistant, #danddquestion.


Fuck these airplane pretzels,

Poon

Talking horses' asses

This is becoming a habit.  Well, we like to drink and talk so why not?  To you high toners who must have this download through your iTunes automatically, sorry.  We think we are doing all the steps necessary to make that happen.  So until it works correctly, you'll just have to get your shitty Down and Distant podcasts the old fashion way....from Poon's ass.

Enter if you dare



p.s. You can subscribe in iTunes and hit refresh (search down and distant.)  You'll get all the episodes.  Which is why this is so maddening.  I'm looking at you Steve Jobs.  too soon?

Whoa Nelly. Three episodes in the books. This one has the full cast of characters in the house.

Go Ahead, Don't Be Scared.

Pat Sajak Makes 8 Figures

Now go back to your shitty day and send us your Google search bitches.
@downanddistant


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

So this is the second one that you should listen too. The first one is on iTunes. Listen in any order, but listen. SERIOUSLY. LISTEN.

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