BASEBALL BEEN VERY,VERY GOOD

Well, once again, it's time to contest the champion of our national pastime. Although I would argue until I'm blue-in-the-face that football is our "true" national sport, the baseball playoffs always remind me of the greatness and purity (aside from the steroids, of course) of the sport. No game has changed less over the years than baseball - still nine innings, no clock, wooden bats. I suppose expansion (of both teams and the playoffs) has changed the landscape of the game, but hitting a 90 m.p.h. curveball in 2007 is still as tough to do as anything in athletics.

There are several interesting storylines developing. Loveable losers the Chicago Cubs and Cleveland Indians are "in" - as are The "Evil Empire" and their nemesis, The Red Sox. The Phillies benefited from the Mets' monumental collapse to earn their spot - along with the Angels, Diamondbacks, and Rockies.

The best World Series would be Cubs vs. Indians, but my money is on just one of the perennial losers getting there, which brings me to my "official" prediction:
Red Sox over Cubs in 6 games.

On Friday, I will be on my way to Cleveland to root, root, root for my Indians against the Yankees. It remains to be seen if Joey Joe Jr. Joe Schabadoo (not to be confused with Joe Charboneau) will also be at Jacob's Field. Chances are, he'll just be in Texas watching. Maybe getting blown or sucked…if he's lucky.

War Tribe.

Savant Out.

Needling Barry

Here at D and D we hold ourselves to the highest standards of journalistic ethics. While blogsters and the mainstream media have had a field day with tragic stories involving Barry Bonds, Michael Vick, and allegedly crooked NBA officials, we have maintained that, like all Americans, these citizens are innocent until proven guilty. That being said, Barry Bonds is a cheatin’, no good, needle stickin, clear and cream usin’ lying piece of shit. He couldn’t carry Hammerin’ Hank’s jock strap. Hell, the only thing that douche bag hasn’t hammered is the backside of his personal trainer, Greg Anderson, who is doing hard time in the pokey for covering Barry’s needle scarred ass.

Oh, I can hear you bleeding heart liberal Hilary lickin’ Osama humpin’ cry babies right now.

“Oh, Hairy, that’s not fair. You have no proof.”

“Oh, Hairy, this is another case of keeping the black man down.”

“Oh, Hairy, you are just pissed because the Cubs have gone 99 years without winning the World Series and the Marlins have already won two.”

OK. That Marlins thing does burn my ass. But the rest of it is just plain horseshit. Want proof. Here goes.

I was at the first annual Anna Nicole Smith Memorial Trailer Park’s Flea Market Extravaganza, and let me tell you, it was a fine sale. I plunked down twelve dollars for a lot of seven shoe boxes full of baseball cards, Garbage Pail Kids cards, and pop tabs (the pop tabs I will send to little Billy Spchinctal, who needs 10,000 more tabs to qualify for a kidney transplant). Over the last few weeks I have been sorting through my cards, and along with a Buddy Biancalana World Series action card, I found damning proof that Mr. Barry Lamar Bonds is a juicer. Feast your eyes on this, sports fans, and tell Hairy that Mr. Bonds hasn’t done more juicin’ than a hooker with a cleft palate.



Wake up, you head in the sand namby-pamby nipple suckers! I implore you, when Barry Bonds steps to the plate in his quest to surpass the rightful king of the round-trippers, all Americans should stand at the ready, hands on their commodes, so when this cheatin’ piece of shit hits #756, they can flush their toilets, sending a resounding message that we don’t give a shit about Mr. Barry Bonds. Nuff said.

Bonds: Healthy, Ready and PUMPED

"Beleagured slugger Barry Bonds upon his arrival at Spring Training 2007"

Baseball season is upon us, and all is right with the world. That is, unless, you believe the liberal, east coast media who would like you to believe that Barry Bonds, the best major leaguer in the past 100 years, is a cheat. What the hell ever happened to innocent until proven guilty? One simple glance at the above photo vindicates Bonds, but do you see the liberal whack jobs running this picture of an obviously trimmed down Bonds reporting for spring training just last month? Of course not. Bastards.

On a more positive note, the Chicago Cubs, with new manager "Sweet Lou" Piniella, have the hitters to make a run in the National League. Unfortunately, Prior and Wood rode into camp on the short yellow bus and as go those two chuckleheads, so go the Cubs. Keep the faith, Cubbie fans--next year is the 100th anniversary of the 1908 World Champion Chicago Cubs, the last Cubs team to win the World Series. Look for the Cubs to make things interesting this year, and then to bring the baseball world to its collective knees in 2008 with the most sentimental of seasons.

It's a beautiful day--let's play two!